Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

Claire: Wow pretty cozy with the new housekeeper huh?
Gloria: She's my sister.
Claire: Wow pretty weird with your sister!

What's one more son in a dress?


I know you guys like to go to mom because she's Mr. Tough Guy problem solver.


Phil: Is there some kind of dress code for Godparents?
Claire: You're not wearing a fedora Phil.

Fulgencio Umberto, the initials are F U Pritchitt which is exactly the way it feels right now


When I was 17 I was really close to my friend Stacey's mom. Mrs. Robinson was a former cheerleader so she knew just how to massage my legs after practice. She had her own homemade bengay that didn't burn no matter where she rubbed it on me.


Please to not turn me marrying my daughter into something ugly.


Kenny: Hey I don't think we've met I'm Kenny.
Alex: And I'm disgusted.

And the birthday video becomes a nature film.

Displaying quotes 100 - 108 of 202 in total