South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite South Park Quotes
Man #1: Well, you know what I heard, I heard that he's gay.
Man #2: Oh, is he really?
Randy: Who?
Man: What?
Randy: Who did you hear is-is gay?
Man: Ricky Martin, the singer.
Randy: Oh.
Gerald: Just because we shared an intimate moment in the hot tub, I'm not going to let it-
Randy: We did not share and intimate moment, okay? That makes it sound gay!
Welcome. Mmkay?
Mr. Mackey
Stan: (whining) I don't want to go to this stupid party!
Randy: Come on, Stan, you're gonna have a great time.
Stan: No, you guys are going to have a great time. Whenever there's a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the kids spend the night locked in the basement, eating stale pretzels.
Stan: There are no more missions. I have everything I want.
Butters: But we're angels? What are angels supposed to do without missions?
Stan: Just play something else!
Pip: Oh dear! We've angered Bosley!
Stan: Dad, they tried to shoot at us!
Randy: Not now, Stan.
Squirt Leader: Okay, Squirts, let's see what you made macaroni pictures of. Ishmael?
Ishmael: Apple.
Squirt Leader: Good. Matthew?
Matthew: Cat.
Squirt Leader: Joseph?
Joseph: Triangle.
Squirt Leader: Okay. Ike?
Ike: Cokeshen.
Squirt Leader: You don't make a macaroni picture of the Last Supper at a Jewish camp!
Squirt Leader: Okay, Squirts, the elders have given us a very important task tonight. We are all going to make macaroni pictures, like this one, using dry macaroni, paper, and glue.
Squirt: How come we have to make macaroni pictures?
Squirt Leader: Because that's what Squirts do! Now, shut your pie-hole!
Gerald: Tell Ike how much fun Squirts is, Kyle.
Kyle: What? You want me to lie?
Gerald: Yeah, lie.
Kyle: Mom? Can Kenny go to Jewbilee with me?
Sheila: Uh well, Kyle, Jewbilee is sort of a special thing.
Kyle: Oh. Kenny isn't special?
Kenny: (Aw.)
Sheila: No, no, you're very special, Kenny. It's just that well, Jewbilee is for Jewish kids.
Gerald: You see boys, Jew Scouts is a special group that borrows a little bit from all different Jewish denominations. From the Orthodox Jews, from the Hasidic Jews, from the Northern Italy Cave Jews But you have to believe the basic tenets of Judaism to be a Scout.
Kyle: Kenny'll believe whatever you want him to.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
Sheila Brovflofski: Kyle and Ike, be safe, and Kenny, try to act Jewish.
Kenny: (muffled) How do you do that?
Jubilee Director: We have all gathered here tonight, from every chapter of Judiasm.
Elder #1: Elder Schwartz, orthodox chapter.
Elder #2: Elder Harris, reform chapter.
Elder #3: Elder Garth, anti-semitic chapter.
Jubilee Director: I've never heard of the anti- semitic chapter of Judiasm before.
Elder Garth: We're new.
