South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite South Park Quotes
Moses: And let us glue paper plates together with beans inside so when you shake them they make rattling noises.
Rabbi: Paper plate bean shakers, of couse!
Moses: And let us put patterns of glue on the outside and sparkles so they look all nice and sparkly.
Cartman: Well then I guess you won't care about what Tweek said about your mom.
Craig: Nope.
(slams door)
Cartman: GODDAMMIT!
(knocks and Craig opens the door)
Cartman: I guess you won't care about what he said about your guinea pig.
Craig: WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT STRIPE!!
I demand macaroni pictures.
Moses
Kyle: Whoa did you hear that, Tweek?
Tweek: (Exhausted) What?
Kyle: Craig just called you a boner.
Tweek: Agh! You son of a bitch!
(Fights Craig again)
Kyle: We just have to keep pouring gas into the fire.
Stan: Yeah!
Mr. Garrison: Nothing ever went wrong in this town before that evil Korn band showed up.
Sharon Marsh: Well I say we go find them and kick their devil-worshipping butts out of town!
Cartman: Maybe we should shove a stick up her ass and use her as a puppet. Ooooooooh! Scaaarry Grraaanddmma!
Kyle: Alright Cartman, that does it! That's my Grandma, you show her some Goddamn respect!
Halloween is an abomination of God, a celebration of the occult!
Father Maxi
C'mon Ned, this isn't a whorehouse; it's a horROR house.
Uncle Jimbo
(Guys from graveyard at town meeting.)
Guy #1: We're here to inform you that someone has been stealing bodies from the local graveyard, most likely to have sex with them. Here's what having sex with a dead body might look like. (guy #2 holds up a large card.)
Crowd: EWW!
Guy #1: And here's what having sex with a dead body might sound like. (Guy #2 proceeds to open a jar of mayonnaise and repeatedly ram his fist into it, causing a sick slurping sound)
Crowd: UGH!
Person in crowd: Excuse me, how is this helping?
MORAL#1:
Woman: Richard, you have to go on. I want you to be happy.
Adler: But I never got to say goodbye to you.
Woman: Then say it now, Richard.
Richard: Goodbye...
Woman: There. Now are you happy?
Adler: No
Woman: Of course you aren't. Saying goodbye doesnt mean anything. It's the times that we lived in that matters, not how we left it.
Adler: You're right... You're right!
Grandma: Richard! It's me! Grandma!
Adler: Grandma?! Hi, Gram
Corey: Hey, Richard! Remember me?!
Adler: Uncle Corey! Wow, you're all alive again!
Corey: No, we're dead!
MORAL#2:
Stan: Hey, guys. How are ya feeling?
Tweek: Ahh!
Craig: Uhh.
Stan: Yeah, well, we have something to say.
Kyle: We wanted to see who was the toughest. WE made you fight each other. WE made up all that stuff we said.
*Craig flips off boys*
Cartman: Yes, you can flip us off Craig, we deserve that. We just came by to apologize, we feel so bad.
(to Nibblet) Ahh! You goddamn chicken from outer space! (He chases Nibblet as Nibblet flies away.)
Cartman
Oh sweet. The "Life-Sized Blow-up Antonio Banderas Love Doll." What a cool Christmas present.
Cartman
