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South-park

This is where the bar was just a few years ago. It was lowered here when President Clinton got a blowjob in the oval office, and suddenly men who were just getting blowjobs in alleyways thought they weren't all that bad.

James Cameron

Token: Kyle, I'm trying to make compelling television.
Kyle: You got Randy Newman to do the theme song, you're not trying that hard.

Then how do you explain all the fat people on mobility scooters? How do you account for...Honey Boo Boo? The bar has been lowered to depths we can't even fathom. If anyone can go down there and raise it back, it's me.

James Cameron

My name's Honey Boo Boo, and I'm a beauty queen, bitches!

Honey Boo Boo

I may be fat, but I'm not Honey Boo Boo!

Cartman

This is exactly what Adele is talking about! Our culture celebrates aneorexia, and makes us ashamed that we don't have slim stomachs, and perky little tits like Kyle!

Cartman

Coach Belichick says that 'there's no way we can beat the Broncos, they've had the same coach for almost a day!'

Reporter

Announcer: Oh, the referee is calling that a touchdown! Oh wait, now another official is signaling that's a safety!
Fan: Oh, nice job, replacement refs!
Announcer: They're gonna have to sort this one out with the side judge.
Side Judge: **** it, it's a ****ing field goal!

Fan 1: Nice job, Cee-Lo! Good to see you on TV some more!
Fan 2: Yeah, I'm a big fan of all your hit song!

As commissioner of the NFL, I am so thrilled to see our nation's youth embrace sarcastaball over traditional football. But oh, why stop there? Since football is *so barabaric*, we should change too! So let's give a big welcome to the new coach of the Denver Broncos, Randy Marsh!

Roger Goodell

Let's do this. Stan, hook up my bra.

Cartman

Yeah, let's do that! We've got an economy in the toilet, a big election coming up, but this country's #1 priority should be making football safer!

Randy
Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 1492 in total

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life?
Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it?
Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life?
Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him?
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.

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