Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South-park

That's fine! I like playing with myself! I'll play with myself all day!

Cartman

Mr. Mackey: Young man, school is a time for learning, not for your immature skylarkings.
Stan: Skylarkings?
Mr. Mackey: You know, tomfooleries.
Stan: Who?

Fat Abbot: Hey, Sally, why's your eye all black and blue and s***?
Sally: My stepfather hit me in the face
Fat Abbot: Stepfather?! You need to snatch his ass up in a beartrap so no one will find him for days!

Cartman: Oh my God they killed Kenny!
Kyle: (while outside, not seeing this) You bastards!

Sharon: What are you doing sweetheart?
Stan: Getting a cookie. We're gonna build a clubhouse and then were......
(Sharon interrupts)
Sharon: You men are all alike. First you get a cookie, then you criticize the way I dress, and then the way I cook. I suppose next you'll tell me you need your space and that I'm sabotaging your creativity. Go ahead Stanly get your god damn cookie.

Don't lie Stan. Lying makes you sterile.

Mr. Garrison

Mr. Garrison: Stan, are you paying attention!?
Stan: Yes, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: Well then, Stanley, what did I just say?
Stan: Umyou said that even though Charo appeared twelve times on the Love Boat, the episode with Captain Antonio got higher ratings.
Mr. Garrison: Well ok, I suppose you were paying attention.

Fat Abbot: Hey, Hey, Hey, what's goin down ya'll?
Rudy: Man Fat Abbot, what you doin on this side of the hood?
Fat Abbot: Ya know somethin' Rudy? You're like school in summertime.
Rudy: School in summertime?
Fat Abbot: Yeah bitch, school in summertime, open ya *beep* ears *beep* whore, I'll pop you're bitch ass.
Dumb Donald Clone: I'ma pop-a you're-a bitch-a ass-a to-ba.......bitcha!

Fat Abbot: Hey, Hey, Hey. What's goin' on Rudy?
Rudy: Man Fat Abbot, you need to lose weight.
Fat Abbot: I'll lose weight when I feel like it bitch, shut you're bitch ass mouth hoe.
Rudy: Bitch! I'll kick yo ass.
Kyle: WHOA DUDE!
Stan: SWEET!
Fat Abbot: You think you slick you punk ass blasphemous dope-fiend bitch, I had my Jimmy waxed seven times last week, I'll bust a cap in you're *beep* ass *beep* head!
Kyle: Wow, cartoons are getting really dirty.

Displaying quotes 127 - 135 of 287 in total