South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Oh my god, this is like a third world country!

Kyle

Mr. Garrison: And, so, children, that's how you tell a prostitute from a police officer. Now, are there any questions? Yes, Kyle?
Kyle: What the hell does that have to do with American history?
Mr. Garrision: Good question, Kyle. Are there any other questions?
Kyle: Mr. Garrison, I'm the only one here. Everyone else has chicken herpes.

That ain't why, Stuart! It's because you are an alcoholic retard and he has dreams of not eating frozen waffles for dinner every night!

Mrs. McCormick

Kyle: Here's Kenny's house.
Cartman: (singing) In the ghetto. On a cold and grey Chicago morn, another little baby child is born in the ghetto. (In the ghetto!)

Kyle: They knew that staying at Kenny's house would make us sick, and they made us do it anyway.
Stan: They did?
Kyle: Yeah, and I think I figured out why.
Stan: Why?
Kyle: Because they're a bunch of assholes.

Mrs. Marsh: You mean Stanley's missing?
Doctor: No, no, he's not missing. We justcan't seem to find him at this moment.

Mrs. McKormick: You want some more hot water?
Mrs. Broflovski: Oh, no thank you, it's terrific though. You don't have any tea bags or coffee grounds to go in the hot water do you?
Mrs. McKormick: No, we don't care for any of that hoity-toity rich folk stuff.

Mrs. Broflovski: You certainly have a humble home Mrs. McKormick.
Mrs. McKormick: Yeah, well, unfortunately my husband is a washed up hunk of s(beep)t!

I'm going to kick her square in the nuts!

Cartman

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...

Mr. Broflovski: Aren't weekends the best?
Mr. McKormick: When you're unemployed, weekends are meaningless.
Mr. Broflovski: Oh, ri-right, of course.

Mr. Broflovski: Remember when we built that huge fort in your backyard?
Mr. McKormick: (laughs) Yeah, it took us nearly 2 damn years to finish it. (laughs)
Mr. Broflovski: (laughs) Whatever happened to that old hunk of junk?
Mr. McKormick: (firmly) That's where I live now.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 287 in total

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Kyle: You can't die Mr Hankey, you can't.
Mr. Hankey: (Cough)
Kyle, before I go, there's something I must tell you. Come closer Closer
Kyle: What is it Mr Hankey?
Mr. Hankey: There is another Skywalker. Uhhh (Mr Hankey dies)
Kyle: Nooo
Mr. Hankey: (Mr Hankey appears to be alive) Wait Kyle.
Kyle: What is it Mr Hankey?
Mr. Hankey: Come closer
Kyle: What is it?
Mr. Hankey: Closer
Kyle: Yes?
Mr. Hankey: Closer! (Pause) One time, when you were sleeping, I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture. Uhhh (Mr Hankey dies)
Kyle: Nooo

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...