South Park

South Park Season 5 Quotes (Page 11)

Season 5 Episode 4: "Scott Tenorman Must Die"

Jimbo: Wow, those are greatNed, are you jackin' it?!
Ned: Kinda.
(Mr. Tenorman comes outside)
Mr. Tenorman: Who's out there?
Jimbo: (whispering) Dammit Ned, stop jackin' it.
Ned: I can't.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(When Mr. Tenorman catches Jimbo and Ned spying on them)
Mr. Tenorman: I know who you are! I'm calling the police.
(Many men scramble out of the bushes)
Men in bushes: Oh no! I gotta get outta here!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 3: "Super Best Friends"

Stan: Kyle, you can't kill yourself!
Kyle: [in bubble] I don't want to kill myself. They rigged this thing to fill with water!
 • Rating: Unrated

[Stan looks for Kyle but finds Kenny's dead body]
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards!
Stan: Kyle? Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards!
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! [follows Kyle's voice]
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Blainetology is for everyone. There are Blainetologists who are Catholics, Buddhists... Why even Kyle here is a God damn Jew.
Kyle: That's right.
 • Rating: Unrated

[Blaine turns himself into cards and transforms back]
Jesus: Jesus Christ!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: [to Kyle] I don't wanna die either. I haven't even gotten my pubes yet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jesus: We need to know how to kill a giant stone Abraham Lincoln.
Moses: Um, let me think, um... A giant stone John Wilkes Booth?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Seaman: Look, Swallow, we should be able to divert the water with that pipe.
Narrator: And so, Seaman and Swallow get to, get to work. [laughs]
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Thanks for saving us, Stan. You're my super best friend.
Stan: Your my super best friend too, Kyle.
Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet you guys! You want to go get a room so you can make out for a while?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

[all the boys, except Cartman, look the same with the same clothes and no hair]
Stan: Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
Butters: I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan: No, I'm Stan.
Kyle: You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Stan: Who are you?
Kyle: I'm Kyle.
Cartman: Hehe, guess who I am, guys?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Cartman: (spots Kyle and Stan's ice cream) Where did you get the ice cream?
 • Rating: Unrated

Blaintologist: Let me ask you all something. Do you consider yourselves to be happy?
Butters: I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.
Blaintologist: Right, the reason that you are--
Butters: Then I always wake up in the morning to the sound of my own screams. Do you think I'm unhappy?
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Alright Brother Kyle, it is time for us to die.
Kyle: Cartman we've been brain washed don't you see? We don't have to do this!
Cartman: But it's the only way for us to be happy.
Kyle: Cartman, no!
 • Rating: Unrated

Blainetologist: Where are you going?
(blocks stan from the exit)
Stan: I'm going home?
Blainetologist: You don't want to go home.
Stan: You said we're free to leave whenever we want.
Blainetologist: You are...
Stan: But what about the way?
Blainetologist: I'm not in the way... You are. Are you unhappy with the Church's teachings? Let's just talk about it.
Stan: I don't want to talk about it, I just want to leave.
Blainetologist: Why don't we go in the backroom for a second... Then you can leave.
Stan: That's ok, I... I changed my mind, I'm gonna stay.
Blainetologist (with a sinister smile): That's great news.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Stan trying to convince Kyle to leave with him)
Kyle: I'm not going anywhere.
Stan: Goddamnit I'm not going with you, I wanna stay here.
Kyle: Huh? I thought you wanted to leave.
Stan: Oh wait who am I again?
Kyle: You're Stan.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Stan asking Jesus for help with defeating Blaine)
Jesus: The miracle I'm most famous for is turning water into wine.
Stan: Can you do it again?
Jesus: Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold, here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now turn around.
(Stan surprised)
Turn around.
(Stan turns around and Jesus replaces the jug of water on the table with a jug of wine)
It is now wine!
Stan: That's it? That's how you did that trick?
Jesus: Uh, well, yeah.
Stan: That trick sucks Jesus.
Jesus: Oh, I guess it worked a little better on people 2,000 years ago.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jesus: Yea, take hold of my robe, Stanley, and do not open your eyes.
Stan: (closes his eyes) I am ready.
(scene changes to Jesus and Stan on an airplane, Stan is still holding on to Jesus and closing his eyes)
Jesus: Are you still keeping your eyes closed?
Stan: Yeah.
Jesus: Good. Want some peanuts?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mohamed: Jesus, come look at this. (Jesus, Stan, and the Super Best Friends move up to a monitor) After your distress call, we entered David Blaine in the super best friends' computer.
Sea-Man: (operating the monitor) Many interesting things showed up. He was raised in New York city by a decent family, but a freak washing-machine accident at the age of 12 made him learn the ways of the black arts.
Buddha: That's right, Semen.
(everyone laughs except for Sea-Man)
Sea-Man: (feeling insulted) Sea Man!
Buddha: Uh, that's what I said. Semen. (everyone laughs again)
Sea-Man: Stop it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: (whispering) Cartman. Cartman, wake up. Cartman.
Cartman: (wakes up abruptly, knocking Kyle off his bed) No, Paula Poundstone! Leave me alone! Uh! Uh?
Kyle: It's just me.
Cartman: (Cartman realizes he's at the camp with Kyle and sighs) Brother Kyle? Why do you disturb my rest?
 • Rating: Unrated

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