South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 5 Quotes
(about Afghanistan) God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Christ!
Cartman
(Kyle tries to convince the Afghani people that they are not American)
Kyle: Greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's aboot time we get to our hoose in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Ey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a God damn Canadian, and neither are you!
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole!
Kyle: (after Stan puts up the miniature flag) Dude, I thought those Afghani kids talked to us about not liking America...
Stan: No, dude. America might have some problems, but it's our home. Our country. Our team. And if you don't want to root for your team, then just get the hell out of the stadium.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Go America. Go Broncos.
Kyle: Yeah, go Broncos.
Cartman: Yeah.
Kyle: Remember when life used to be simple and cool?
Cartman: Not really.
Butters: (walks to the bus stop) Uh, hey. How's it going fellas?
Stan: Butters! What the hell do you think you're doing??
Butters: Well, I'm just standing around being a kid, why? How come you're wearing them oogy spaceman masks?
Kyle: These are gas masks, Butters!
Stan: Yeah, if you don't wear a gas mask, you'll be easily exposed to smallpox or anthrax!
Butters: What?! Oh, Jesus! I don't wanna get the 'thrax, fellas! W-what do I do??
Stan: There's nothing you can doexcept stop breathing.
Butters: Stop breathing??
Kyle: Yeah, you can't get it if you don't breath.
Butters: Oh, all right, then! (inhales deeply and holds breath)
Afghani Kid #1: (about Stan and the others) They are not spies; they just came here to give us our goat back.
Afghani Kid #2: Screw them; they're evil Americans!
Afghani Kid #1: I know. But, if we don't help the innocent ones, then we are no better than the Americans are.
Afghani Kid #3: Help Americans? That doesn't make any sense!
Afghani Kid #1: Dude, we are speaking English right now. Does THAT make sense??
Hey look what the postman brought me! It's a big brown package from Afghanistan!
Stan
Cartman: I told you Jawas have no hearts.
Kyle: Jawas?
Cartman: You know, Sand People.
Eh What's up, Bin Laden?
Cartman
Sharon: Okay, boys, that's it. You have to go now.
Stan: No no, it's okay, Mom. We, we can't go to baseball practice 'cause Kyle has cancer.
Tynacorp Leader: You see kids, the Army hasn't been telling the truth.
Kyle: Dude, we don't care.
Tynacorp Leader: They wanted to turn these towels into human killers.
Kyle: DUDE, WE DON'T CARE! We just want our Okama Gamesphere.
What has this world come to? Where people can just take your Okama Game-Sphere.
Kyle
Military Leader: Hello, boys. How are you doing?
Stan: Fine.
Military Leader: Say, boys, this may sound a little odd, but Have you seen a talking towel around anywhere?
Kyle: What? You mean Towelie?
Military Leader: (speaks into the two-way radio) Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a Code 5 in (checks map) Park County, Colorado. I repeat, Code 5, Park County, Colorado.
Cartman: What, dude?
(The Military Leader and soldier drive away.)
Stan: Dude, this is gonna be one long ass day
