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Michael: How's everybody doing?
Jim: Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.
Michael: That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus ruined the party. Petulant Jesus.
Angela: Are you serious? That is so offensive.

Jim: You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
Jim: Yup.
Michael: Do you understand you forced my hand.

Michael: Ryan come here!
Ryan: Whoa, whoa.
Michael: Come on, come on.
Ryan: I'm doing something over here.
Michael: Ahhh... Ho ho ho! Come on I need this. Come over here!
Ryan: What are you talking about?
Michael: Just sit down!
Ryan: No no no.

Oscar: Is Matt around? I got his check.
Darryl: Uh, Matt is on a delivery. Just leave it here, I'll take it.
Oscar: Ah, I'll just... wait for him.
Darryl: Matt's a pretty good-looking dude, don't you think?
Oscar: I'll just leave it here with you.

Michael: What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Kevin: I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
Michael: What did you think was going to happen?
Kevin: I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
Michael: All right, just say "some toys" please.
Kevin: Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
Michael: Damn it Kevin, come on.
Kevin: What about if I tell you the things I DON'T want?
Michael: Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
Kevin: I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
Michael: Okay you know what you get? A thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
Kevin: Awesome.

Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it's not, not like penis-wise.

Michael

If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably "freedom." At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.

Michael

Michael: It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here, doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, me NOT playing Santa? Come on!
Jim: I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis that she can't be Santa.
Michael: Fine! Then do it anonymously. Ransom note style. You can ... I ... you know what, I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those.

Michael: Heeeeeere's Santa! Hey little girl, what would you like for Christmas? Ooh, you have been a very naughty girl, I see.
Pam: Michael, we already have a Santa, Phyllis.
Michael: What the hell is going on?

Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!

Pam

For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea ... for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it, only to find himself... IN JAIL!

Dwight

Pam: So Santa, what can we expect from this party?
Phyllis: It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good!
Creed: What if you've been bad?
Phyllis: Oh, then nothing but a lump of coal for you!
Creed: What if you've been really, really bad? Like more evil, and strictly wrong.
Jim: Okay, Creed, we covered it. Lump of coal.
Phyllis: Yeah ...

Displaying quotes 193 - 204 of 419 in total

The Office Season 6 Quotes

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

Dwight

If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably "freedom." At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.

Michael