The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes
(Herb gives the Simpsons a tour of his mansion.)
Herb: While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. Anytime you're hungry, anytime day or night, Cook will make you anything you want.
Homer: Even pork chops?
Herb: Absolutely. We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room--
Homer: You mean, if I want pork chops, even in the middle of the night, your guy will fry 'em up?
Herb: Sure. That's what he's paid for. Now, if you need towels, laundry--
Homer: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Let me see if I've got this straight. It's Christmas day, 4:00 a.m., there's a rumble in my stomach--
Marge: Homer, please!
Herb: (Laughs and grabs Homer around the shoulder.) Your old man sure loves pork chops!
Bart: (Laughs) He sure does, Uncle Herb.
- Permalink: (<i>Herb gives the Simpsons a tour of his mansion</i>.) While ...
(Homer attempts to contact his long lost brother over the phone)
Marge: Any luck, Homey?
Homer: No, I called all three Herbert Powells in Detroit. Nothing.
Marge: Hmm. Well, you wanna try that H. Powell? (Points in phonebook)
Homer: H.! Of course! That could stand for Herbert! It's a long shot, but--(Dials the phone)
- Permalink: (<i>Homer attempts to contact his long lost brother over the pho...
(The family says farewell to Herb.)
Homer: Gee, Herb, because of me, you lost your business, your home and all your possessions. I can't help but think that maybe you'd have been better off if I'd never come into your life.
Herb: Maybe I would have been better off? Maybe? Why, you sponge head! Of course I'd have been better off! As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother!
(Herb pulls away in a bus headed out of town.)
Marge: (Consoles Homer) Hmm. Maybe he just said that to make conversation.
- Permalink: (<i>The family says farewell to Herb.</i>) Gee, Herb, because ...
(On the phone with Homer.) A millionaire? (To himself.) Oh, I kept the wrong one.Grandpa
- Permalink: (<i>Grandpa finds out that Herb is rich</i>.) (<i>On the phone...
(Homer's artsy commercial for his newly designed car: The commercial uses far away shots of Homer driving the car on a mountain road overlooking the ocean and up close shots of Homer inside the car.)
Woman: (Off camera and singing.) Whatever Homer wants
Homer: (Narrating) All my life, I have searched for a car that feels a certain way.
Woman: (Off camera and singing.) Homer gets.
Homer: (Narrating) Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball. Now, at last, I have found it.
(A title card reads: "Homer, The Car Built for Homer.")
- Permalink: The commercial uses far away shots of Homer driving the car on a...
(Bart and Lisa bicker at the dinner table.)
Homer: Quiet, you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.
Bart and Lisa: (In unison) Dad!
Homer: Not one word!
(Bart and Lisa trade insults via sign language and giggle at each other.)
Homer: I thought I said knock it off.
Lisa: We didn't say anything.
Bart: Not one word.
Homer: Well, no "pantomomine" either.
- Permalink: (<i>Bart and Lisa bicker at the dinner table</i>.) Quiet, you ...
Herb: So, Marge, a little about yourself.
Marge: Hmm. Well, I met Homer in high school. We got married and had three beautiful children.
Herb: Wow, we have so much catching up to do.
Marge: Hmm. Actually, I just told you pretty much everything.
- Permalink: So, Marge, a little about yourself. Hmm. Well, I met Homer in ...
(Homer visits the Shelbyville Orphanage in search of his brother.)
Director: I know how you feel, Mr. Simpson. I myself have spent years searching for my long-lost twin brother.
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wish I could help you, but we're looking for my brother today. Can you tell me his name?
Director: Hmm. According to our records, a Mr. and Mrs. Powell adopted your brother and named him Herbert.
Homer: Herbert! Herbert Powell! Great! Where can I find him?
Director: (Sighs) I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to release that information.
Homer: Oh, please, please! This is my life we're talking about here. Please!
Director: Well, I--I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. After all your brother could be anywhere. (Reaches across his desk, grabs Homer's hands and stares him in the eye.) Even Detroit.
Homer: I know he could be anywhere, that's why I want you to narrow it down! Please!
Director: You know, Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, (Points at Herb's file folder) the city of Brotherly Love isn't Philadelphia. It's...Detroit.
Homer: Well, if you ask me, changing the subject makes you the most worthless, heartless excuse for a human being I ever--
Director: Read between the lines, you fool
Homer: Oh! Oh, I get it! Okay. (Puts a twenty dollar bill on the Director's desk.) Here's twenty bucks. Now will you tell me where my brother lives?
Director: Mr. Simpson, I don't want your--
Homer: Just take it and tell me!
Director: (Frustrated) Detroit. He lives in Detroit.
Homer: (Sarcastically) Fine! Thank you!
- Permalink: (<i>Homer visits the Shelbyville Orphanage in search of his brot...
Herb: Welcome to my home, brother.
(Herb waves his arm towards his mansion.)
Homer: Holy moly! The bastard's rich!
- Permalink: Welcome to my home, brother. (<i>Herb waves his arm towards his...