The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes (Page 11)

Season 2 Episode 9: "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"

Homer: (on the phone) You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week... I told you, my baby beat me up... Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: What kind of warped human being would find that funny?
Homer: Heh, heh.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never knew mice lived such interesting lives.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent Brockman: Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say "No, of course not, what kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says "Yes"... Marge Simpson.
 • Rating: Unrated

Roger Meyers Jr.: In preparing for this debate, I did a little research, and I discovered something astonishing. There was violence in the past, long before cartoons were invented.
 • Rating: Unrated

Roger Meyers Jr.: (Reading hate mail) "I will never watch your show, buy any of your products or brake if I see you crossing the street." That's cold. "Dear sleaze merchant." Oh, come on, that hurts. Gentlemen, the screwballs have spoken.
 • Rating: Unrated

Itchy: This really hits the spot.
Scratchy: Doesn't it though?
Itchy: You make really good lemonade Scratchy.
Scratchy: Why thank you Itchy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I always knew you'd change the world... for the better.
 • Rating: Unrated

Itchy and Scratchy's New Temporary Opening: They love, and share.
They share and love and share.
Love, love, love,
Share, share, share.
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer watches TV)
TV Announcer: It's a tool that every home handy man needs. It's a jigsaw. It's a power drill. It's a wood-turning lathe. It's an asphalt spreader. It's 67 tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this?
Homer: (Very interested) One-thousand dollars!
TV Announcer: Oh, don't answer yet.
Homer: Oh, sorry.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Helen Lovejoy and Maude Flanders arrive at Marge's doorstep)
Helen: Get dressed, Marge. You've got to lead our protest against this abomination! (Shows Marge a newspaper with the Statue of David on the cover)
Marge: Hmm, but that's Michelangelo's David. It's a masterpiece.
Helen: (Gasps) It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body which, practical as they may be, are evil.
Marge: But I like that statue.
Maude: (Gasps) I told you she was soft on full frontal nudity.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Kent Brockman comments on the Statue of David)
Kent: Is it a masterpiece? Or just some guy with his pants down?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer and Marge visit the Statue of David exhibit)
Homer: Well, there he is. Michelangelo's Dave.
Marge: Hmm, David.
Homer: Oh.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 8: "Bart the Daredevil"

Homer: (to Lance Murdoch) Think you got guts, try raising my kids!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Otto, I'm going to jump Springfield Gorge on my skateboard.
Otto: You know, Bart, as the only adult here, I feel I should say something?
Bart: What?
Otto: Cool!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Scene cuts back and forth between Homer at Moe's and Bart at home, who are watching the same wrestling match on TV)
Milhouse: Hey, that's my seat.
Bart: Correction, was your seat.
(Cut to Moe's Tavern)
Barney: But I only got up to go the the can!
Homer: Hey, I don't see your name engraved on this bar stool.
 • Rating: Unrated

Announcer: One night only, at the Springfield Speedway, this Saturday! If you miss this, you'd better be dead or in jail, and if you're in jail, break out. Be there!
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Welcome to the first in a series of Saturday evening concerts.
Homer: Series? Awww.
 • Rating: Unrated

Todd plays the violin at the school concert
Ned: (Crying) My son, my son!
Homer: Come on Flanders, he's not that bad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lance Murdock: Now, on the chance I don't survive, let me just say: Seat belts save lives, so buckle up!
 • Rating: Unrated

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