The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 2 Episode 10: "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"

Homer: One million dollars is a-okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Voice from Heaven: Please hold onto the handrail. Do not spit over the side.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Um, say, is there anything I can do to avoid coming back here?
The Devil: Oh, sure, yeah. But, eh, you wouldn't like it.
Bart: Oh, okay! See you later, then.
 • Rating: Unrated

The Devil: Remember: Lie, cheat, steal, and listen to heavy metal music!
Bart: Yes, sir!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lionel Hutz: Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. What's that, a broken neck? Great!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Is he well enough for me to start mothering him unbearably, doctor?
Hibbert: Mmmm, better let him rest up a while first.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hutz: Doctor, are you sure there isn't a little soft tissue trauma in the facial area?
Dr. Nick: Oh yeah, tons of it! (wrapping Bart's head in bandages) Just say when!
 • Rating: Unrated

Judge: Mr. Burns, I must warn you that if you continue to disrupt the court in this way, I will have to cite you for contempt.
Burns: You wouldn't dare!
Judge: Well, no, um, I guess I wouldn't.
 • Rating: Unrated

Burns: Oh, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. I was driving to the orphanage to pass out toys
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: (in court and in tears) Luckily, I was not killed that day. Though sometimes I wish I had been.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Marge: Mmm Yes, I do.
Hutz: She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously.
 • Rating: Unrated

Burns: I'm going to write a figure on this piece of paper. It's not quite as large as the last one, but I think you'll find it fair.
(draws a giant zero)
Hutz: I think we should take it.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Smithers checks on Bart after Mr. Burns hits him.)
Smithers: Uh-oh. I, uh-I think the boy's hurt.
Mr. Burns: Oh, for crying out loud! Just give him a nickel and let's get going.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer's Brain: A million dollars. My wife cost me a million dollars.
Marge: Homer would you like some more macaroni and cheese?
Homer's Brain: Yeah, a million dollars worth, you treacherous snake woman.
Homer: No, thank you.
Marge: Some string beans?
Homer's Brain: No, I don't want any string beans either, you two-timing, backstabbing--Uh-oh. Better answer.
Homer: No, thank you.
Marge: Some celery with cream cheese on it?
Homer's Brain: Just mouth polite nothings.
Homer: No, thank you.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer and Marge make up at Moe's bar)
Moe: Okay, everybody, for the next 15 minutes, one-third off on every pitcher! (Crowd cheers) Hey, one per customer. Domestic beer only. Hey, no sharing!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 9: "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"

Krusty: Hi, kids! (Laughs) Guess what, Sideshow Mel?
(Mel slides his whistle) It's time for Itchy and Scratchy!
Audience: B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Krusty: Hey, hey! Settle down boys and girls, or Krusty will have to bring out his old friend, Corporal Punishment again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Roger Meyers Jr.: Listen you're so smart, how do we end this picture?
Marge: Hmm... well, what's the problem you're having?
Roger Meyers Jr.: Ok, here it is: Itchy just stole Scratchy's ice cream cone and--
Animator: No, make it a pie. Pies are easier to draw.
Roger Meyers Jr.: Okay, a pie! Anyway, Scratchy is understandably upset.
Marge: Uh huh.
Roger Meyers Jr.: So we figured he could, you know, just grab Itchy and toss him in a bucket of acid.
Marge: Oh, dear!
Roger Meyers Jr.: But then we remembered that this might be interpreted as violence, which is morally wrong now thanks to you. So, what's your big idea? How do we end this?
Marge: Hmm... let's see. Umm... oh! Couldn't Itchy share his pie with Scratchy? Then they would both have pie!
Roger Meyers Jr.: (Looks at the story board) It's different, I'll give you that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: It's no trouble, I've got a whole garage full of tools I never use!
 • Rating: Unrated

Roger Meyers Jr: That screwball Marge Simpson, we've got to stop her... But how?
Animator: Drop an anvil on her?
1st Board Member: Hit her on the head with a piano?
2nd Board Member: Stuff her full of TNT and then throw a match down her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent Brockman: So you have no professional objection to Itchy & Scratchy?
Marvin Monroe: No not at all, in fact, uh, one of my guilty little pleasures is to snuggle up with a big bucket of buttered popcorn, dim the lights, listen to Itchy and Scratchy, and laugh myself silly. Now what the hell is wrong with that?
 • Rating: Unrated

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