The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Newsweek magazine did say it's good to change careers... right after they laid off all their editors.

Marge

I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.

Homer

You two look good - open casket good.

Grampa

Put a James Taylor CD in the stereo so they think it was a suicide.

Homer

Lisa: You're gonna regret the day you were born.
Bart: I already do, it's too close to Christmas.

Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.

He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?

Homer

Tushy: every light in the house is a tanning light.
Marge: can you read by it?
Tushy: no one's ever tried.

The only husband of Selma's I ever liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat until he found out she didn't like disco music.

Marge

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.

Fat Tony: Call that doctor that owes us a favor.
Louise: Actually we owe him a favor
Fat Tony: Do him two favors and then remind him that he owes us a favor.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 203 in total

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes

Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!

Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.