The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?
Homer's Brain: Don't panic. Just come up with a good story.
Homer: My name is Mr. Burns!
Homer's Brain: D'oh!

McClure: Are you sure it's on!? I can't hear a thing! (as the Juice Loosener clatters loudly)
Dr. Nick: It's whisper quiet!

Ned: Now Marge don't you worry, we've all had our brushes with the law.
(remembers)
Cop: Are you Ed Flanders?
Ned: No, Ned Flanders.
Cop: My mistake.

Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive? Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Lawyer: I feel so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt that I can waste the court's time by rating the super hunks.

We're putting that bitch on ice!

Apu

Marge: Is that an old Halloween costume?
Homer: (wearing a devil costume) Uhno.

All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says 'Capricorn', and something with coconut on it!

Chief Wiggum

It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever!

Lisa

Bart: Who's gonna change Maggie?
Homer: We're going to let her roam free in the backyard and nature will take its course.

Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?

Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.

Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.
Milhouse: Yes, sir.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 396 in total

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

(singing) God said to Noah, there's gonna be a floody-floody. Rain came down, it started to get muddy, muddy. Get those animals, out of the arky-arky.

Flanders Family

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer