The Simpsons

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The simpsons

Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?
Homer's Brain: Don't panic. Just come up with a good story.
Homer: My name is Mr. Burns!
Homer's Brain: D'oh!

McClure: Are you sure it's on!? I can't hear a thing! (as the Juice Loosener clatters loudly)
Dr. Nick: It's whisper quiet!

Ned: Now Marge don't you worry, we've all had our brushes with the law.
(remembers)
Cop: Are you Ed Flanders?
Ned: No, Ned Flanders.
Cop: My mistake.

Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive? Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Lawyer: I feel so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt that I can waste the court's time by rating the super hunks.

We're putting that bitch on ice!

Apu

Marge: Is that an old Halloween costume?
Homer: (wearing a devil costume) Uhno.

All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says 'Capricorn', and something with coconut on it!

Chief Wiggum

It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever!

Lisa

Bart: Who's gonna change Maggie?
Homer: We're going to let her roam free in the backyard and nature will take its course.

Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?

Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.

Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.
Milhouse: Yes, sir.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 396 in total

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer

The Monorail Song
Lyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
(audience laughs)
Homer: Heh heh! Mule.
Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute! We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
Lyle Lanley: All right, I tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield Monorail! (audience gasps) I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrooke, and by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail! ...
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty & Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!

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