Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?
Homer's Brain: Don't panic. Just come up with a good story.
Homer: My name is Mr. Burns!
Homer's Brain: D'oh!

McClure: Are you sure it's on!? I can't hear a thing! (as the Juice Loosener clatters loudly)
Dr. Nick: It's whisper quiet!

Ned: Now Marge don't you worry, we've all had our brushes with the law.
(remembers)
Cop: Are you Ed Flanders?
Ned: No, Ned Flanders.
Cop: My mistake.

Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive? Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Lawyer: I feel so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt that I can waste the court's time by rating the super hunks.

We're putting that bitch on ice!

Apu

Marge: Is that an old Halloween costume?
Homer: (wearing a devil costume) Uhno.

All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says 'Capricorn', and something with coconut on it!

Chief Wiggum

It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever!

Lisa

Bart: Who's gonna change Maggie?
Homer: We're going to let her roam free in the backyard and nature will take its course.

Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?

Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.

Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.
Milhouse: Yes, sir.

The Simpsons Season 4 Quotes

Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
Homer: (short silence) ...Yes.

Bart: Remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed, "I'm a hemophiliac!," and when he let you go, you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Yeah.
Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
Homer: Sure, boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back. And then when he's lying down on the ground,...
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Kick him in the ribs.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Step on his neck.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: And run like hell.