Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Good night. Oh, and the President was arrested for murder. More on that tomorrow night. Or you could turn to another channel oh, do not turn to another channel.

Kent Brockman

Mr. Peterson, you can take this job and...fill it! And one more thing...I never once washed my hands. That's your policy, not mine.

Grampa

Don't ask me! I'm just a girl! Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee!

Malibu Stacy Doll

Lisa: Don't any of you notice something wrong with what Malibu Stacy says?
Girl: There's something wrong with what my Malibu Stacy says... (pulls string)
Malibu Stacy Doll: My spidey-sense is tingling - anyone call for a web slinger?

Marge: Now let's talk this over a nice big bowl of strawberry ice cream.
(Lisa pulls the doll's string)
Malibu Stacy Doll: Now let's talk this over with a nice big bowl of strawberry ice cream!
Marge: Hmmmm....

Grampa: Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of Death?
Homer: Yes, but there's more. Dad, I love you, but...you're a weird, sore-headed old crank and nobody likes you!

Lisa: It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act; that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
Bart: Just what I was going to say.

Lisa: Mom! We could go on the factory tour and I could complain in person!
Marge: Honey, you're not going to throw red paint at the executives, are you? The Keebler people were very upset.

Hello...Smithers. You're quite good...at turning me on

</i> Mr. Burns

Looking at that tired old freak has made me realize I'm no spring chicken myself. I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder. Wait, that's my hand.

Grampa

Lisa: It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you.
Grampa: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.
Homer: I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are!

Do we sell... French... fries?

Grampa
Displaying quotes 193 - 204 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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