The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 24)

Season 5 Episode 6: "Marge on the Lam"

Homer: Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night.
Homer: Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman!
 • Rating: Unrated

Moe: We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chief Wiggum: Ah, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman, though, because one time I...uh, heh...
 • Rating: Unrated

Chief Wiggum: Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty.
(Marge and Ruth drive by)
Homer: That's them!
Chief Wiggum: Quiet! I can't hear the eggs.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors.
Bart: Eh, shut your yap.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. And I'm sorry--Oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ruth Powers: I should get home to my daughter before that naked talk show comes on.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: You're absolutely right, Dad. We don't need a baby-sitter.
Homer: Wait a minute (Takes out card reading: "Always do opposite of what Bart Says.") You kids do need a baby-sitter!
Bart: (to himself) Blast that infernal card! (to Homer) Hey, Dad. Don't give me that card.
Homer: Here ya go--(Pulls card away)--No!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Oh, solid waste! I could kiss you (starts kissing it) Eww-- (kisses some more)--Mmm, I think that was pizza!
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home?
Homer: (bitter) I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet.
Lenny: Heh, You're gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?
 • Rating: Unrated

Ruth: I envy you and Homer.
Marge: Thank you. Why?
Ruth: If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer.
Marge: Your point being?
 • Rating: Unrated

Otto: Hey, Mrs. Simpson, you should try one of these smart drinks! (Downs his drink) Oh, wow. I've wasted my life!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 5: "Treehouse of Horror IV""

Homer: Ahh! Super Fun Happy Slide!
Lisa: No Dad!
Homer: OhhI guess killing will be fun enough.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all the pulling, you blouse-wearing poodle-walker!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
 • Rating: Unrated

Blackbeard: This chair be high, says I.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lionel Hutz: I was watching Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I got the gist of it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Groundskeeper Willie: My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. So I had to put seventeen bullets in him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Vampire Grampa: This cape is giving me a rash.
 • Rating: Unrated

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