The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 27)

Season 5 Episode 4: "Rosebud"

Bart: Hey Apu, this bag of ice has a head in it!
Apu: Oooh, a head bag! Those are chock-full of... heady goodness!
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Smithers: Here's something that should cheer you up, sir. (Smithers is wearing a bear suit) It's me sir, Bobo, hug me, squeeze me, tug at my fur!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Homer: Huuuuh! How long have we had these fish. Wait...the bear. Burns' bear!
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

(Homer daydreams about having his own recording studio)
Homer: Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed buuuuuunnn... (drools)
Guy: Homer, you're drooling on the mike again.
(When we return to reality, Homer is still drooling)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: I'm sure he'll offer a fair reward...and then we'll make him double it! Well, why can't I be greedy once in a while?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: Mmmm... 64 slices of American cheese.
(sits down at the table with the stack of slices)
Homer: 64... (eats it) 63... (eats it)
(The next morning)
Homer: Two... (eats it very slowly) one... (eats it)
(Marge walks in)
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: (slurred) I think I'm blind...
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

(In 1,000,000 A.D. Mr. Burns, his body that of a robot, comes across Bobo)
Mr. Burns: Bobo, I know I say this every century, but I'll never leave you behind again.
(He runs off with Bobo, followed by Smithers, whose body is that of a robot dog)
Smithers: Wait for me, sir! Ruff!
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: On another topic, the preparations for your birthday have begun.
Mr. Burns: I won't get what I really want.
Smithers: No one does.
(He imagines Mr. Burns appearing half-naked out of a cake and singing happy birthday to him.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: What are you doing?
Homer: I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poo-poo one word or two?
Homer: Now, I'm not saying Mr. Burns is incontinent...
Bart: Incontinent! (laughs) Too rich!
Lisa: Does either of you know what incontinent means?
Homer: Lisa, don't spoil our fun.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Bart: (Pulls Bobo out of the bag of ice.) Hey, it's a teddy bear. Gross, it's probably diseased or something. Here, Maggie.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Maggie, I'm trying to watch TV. Put that moldy old bear down. (Gasps) Moldy? Old? I'm gonna get something to eat!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Who needs his money? We're getting by okay.
(Grampa crashes a Ute through the Simpsons' wall.)
Grampa: Son, you gotta help me! I hit three people on the way over here, and I don't have any insurance! (Pause) So, how's my Ute?
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: My life can't get any worse.
Smithers: Homer Simpson, report for "much worse" duty.
Homer: D'oh!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney the dinosaur: Two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four...
Homer: (chuckling) I can see why this is so popular.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Burns: Smithers, I'm so happy. Something amazing has happened, I'm actually happy. Take a note! From now on, I'm only going to be good and kind to everyone.
Smithers: I'm sorry sir, I don't have a pencil.
Mr. Burns: Oh, don't worry, I'm sure I'll remember it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Well, we didn't get any money, but Mr. Burns got what he wanted. Marge, I'm confused. Is this a happy ending or a sad ending?
Marge: It's an ending, that's enough.
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: I have some sad news to report. A small puppy, not unlike Lassie, was just run over in the parking lot.
(Audience gasps)
Smithers: And now it's time for the comedy stylings of Homer Simpson!
Homer: Are you ready to laugh?
Man: That poor dog.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Ah, yes. Naturally, I can't pay you much of a reward because I'm strapped for cash.
(The ceiling above gives way; money and jewels pour down on him.)
Mr. Burns: As you can see, this old place is falling apart. But I'm sure we can come to an understanding.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 3: "Homer Goes to College"

Dean: That sounds like a pig fainting!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Homer: Look, I'm supposed to get a physics tutor.
Nerd 1: Well, you've come to the right place then. If there's one thing we know, it is science.
Nerd 2: And math.
Nerd 3: And the words to every Monty Python routine.
Nerds: (in unison) We are the Knights Who Say Ni! Ni!
(laughter)
Homer: Heh heh Ni.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

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