Mr Burns: (holding a miniature wooden plane) Do you see this plane, Smithers? This gonna help us to take the Spruce Goose and take us outta here!
Smithers: Excellent model, sir.
Mr. Burns: Uh, model?

Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Well, that's nothing because you have a gambling problem.


Nevada makes my butt look big.


Joblessness is not just for philosophy majors anymore. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

Kent Brockman

(to Lisa) It's always something, isn't it? First, I have to drive your pregnant mother to the hospital so she can give birth to you. Now this!


Remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well, you have a gambling problem.


Robert Goulet: Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager.
Nelson: Your manager says for you shut up!
Robert Goulet: Vera said that?

Mr. Burns: (holding a miniature plane) We'll take the Spruce Goose. Hop in.
Smithers: But sure I
(Burns pulls out a gun)
Mr. Burns: I said hop in.

Homer: Here's a card for you, James Bond.
James Bond: You gave me a Joker?!

Wow, just like on TV.
(he trips over an ottoman. A studio audience begins to laugh)


Lisa: There's nothing to eat for breakfast.
Homer: You gotta improvise, Lisa. ClovesTom Collins' mixfrozen pie crust (he just give it a bite) Lets go for mom.

Smithers: Don't you think you've gambled enough?
Marge: No.
Smithers: Very well, ma'am. We're required to asked every 72 hours. Enjoy a free round of drinks.

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...