Alan: Your mom will be here any minute. I thought I told you to get ready.
Jake: I'm ready.
Alan: Did you do your homework?
Jake: No.
Alan: Jake, I promised your mother you'd have it done.
Jake: Well, next time you'll know better

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Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 21 Quotes

Jake: You smell like strawberries.
Sophie: It's my lip gloss.
Jake: Does it taste like it smells?
Sophie: You wanna find out?
Jake: Sure!
[Sophie leans in to kiss Jake, Jake uses a finger to wipe her lip gloss off, then proceeds to eat it]
Jake: Mm

Dr. Freeman: Have you ever had sex with a man?
Charlie: No! No! Absolutely not! All right, I copped a feel once but I was drunk and he had breasts