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Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: You're writing a report on The Taming of the Shrew, not The Voyages of Cap'n Crunch!
Jake: Too bad. I could write the crap out of that.
Alan: OK... [sighs] I'm not fooling around here. You are gonna finish this damn book and write the damn report, and you're gonna hand it in on Monday, spell-checked, formatted, and on freakin' time!
Jake: I have my doubts, Dad.

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Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 18 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Jake Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 18 Quotes

Alan: (referring to Jake's lost book) We should put frosting on the damn book. He's never lost anything with frosting on it.
Charlie: I don't know why you continue to bang your head against the wall. The kid is obviously destined to sell tube socks out of the trunk of his car.
Alan: A business of his own... gee, that would be swell

Charlie: (about Jake) I'll bet you're sorry you took all that LSD before you had him.
Alan: I never took any LSD!
Charlie: You might want to start telling people you did.

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