Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men
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Rating: 2.0 / 5.0 (1969 Votes)
Review Quotes Photos

Recap

It's the debut of Ashton Kutcher on Two and a Half Men!

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Season:
Episode Number:
1
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This is the beginning of this show's LONG PAINFUL DRAWN OUT DEATH!

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Kutcher is crap, this show is no longer worth watching.

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Bring back Charlie sheen he is the show...this was my favourite watched five minutes and switched off and will never watch again. What were you thinking.... New two and a half men is a minus ten out of ten. Do not watch

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Umm, seriously? How bored are you?!? wow. Cant wait to see how much the ratings drop tonight, this show sucks a**!!!!!

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You mentioned hung like a horse. A friend of mine from the distant pass used to say hung like a boa constrictor. I like that better. You may use it if you want.

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Absolutely horrible! And what's with the nudity! Covering up bad script and worst actor -- Kutcher! Not watching again...WAS my favorite show!

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The show will be canceled in three weeks. It really sucked. Very corny canned humor.

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R.I.P Two and a Half Men, time for Lorre to find another project.

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More of what Letterman could use as top 10's's: 10. Because the EMMY's are finally over the night before.
9. Angus is now growing up and will get as many girlfriends as Sheen once did, in fact he will try to get Charlie's old ones including his teachers
8. Jon Cryer now has a Walk of Fame presence
7. Who cares about the CW's Hart of Dixie anyway
6. Glee is on Tuesday nights
5. Modern Family is on Wednesday nights
4. 30Rock won't start new Eps until January 2012
3. Shark Tank is on Fridays
2. The Simpsons are on Sundays
1. Monday night football has not started yet 10. Because Cher isn't dancing with the Stars
9. Because her daughter is
8. Kate plus 8 won't be included in the show
7. Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin may be added to the cast
6. The biggest loser is yet to be announced
5. No one wants to watch House
4. The Sing Off on NBC isn't as fun to watch as American Idol
3. Terra Nova stops at 9PM on Monday nights
2. Demi may show up with Charlie's Angels with her surfboard
1. Charlie Sheen may appear as a ghost and haunt the place with his Ben
and Jerry's Schweddy Balls 10. It's not Winter yet so you can't snow ski
9. Paris finally got cancelled
8. George Lopez won't in in the cast ever
7. Sara Palin makes a guest appearance as Tina Fey
6. Chris rock shows up in drag
5. So does Eddie Murphy
6. There are no stars in Dancing with the Stars - so who cares...
5. My computer broke and tv is all I've got
4. The zoo is closed at 9PM on Monday nights
3. The short sale on my home didn't go thru
2. The new camp ground I moved into has electricity
1. Donald Trump is for sure worth more than 200 million

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 Quotes

Just like old times. I'm talking and you're in a bottle ignoring me.

Alan [to urn]

Walden: Trust me, money doesn't buy happiness.
Alan: I wouldn't know, I've never had either.

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