Peter [at the debate]: Well, I-I have always cared deeply about young people. As a rich college bound student I once joined some underprivileged youths in saving a community center from being converted into a shopping mall. (crowd cheers)
Lois: Peter, that wasn't you. That was Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" in Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo! You watched that last night... (crowd boos)

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Peter: Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?
Lois: Peter we discussed this, I'm running for school board. You never listen to me.
Peter: Oh yeah, I remember. Hey Cleveland, hey Quagmire. ... Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?

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Lois: A woman is not an object.
Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.
Lois: Peter!

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Are you Kate Moss? For someone with no breasts, you've done very well for yourself. Good for you.

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Peter: You don't remember what it's like to be my age!
Lois: I'm two years younger then you!

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I've seen that crappy Julia Roberts movie forty seven times. Have you seen the lips on that women?! It's like a baboon's ass on her face!

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It's like I always tell the kids, a quitter never wins and don't trust whitie

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Lois: A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?
Peter: Just my desire to see you happy.
Lois: Aww....
Peter: And to exploit your hard labour for free travel and fun.
Lois: What?
Peter: Shhh... I didn't say anything. Go to sleep crazy lady

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Lois: Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about?
Peter: Gordon?

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Lois: Do you mind?
Paulie: Acutally I do, you crazy broad.
Lois: I am not a crazy broad!
Peter: Oh, no no Lois, he didn't mean you're crazy like.. Elizabeth Taylor... He meant you're crazy, like.. that glue... You stick to things, you know, like an adhesive... That's all he meant

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Lois: Peter, this car has dents in it, and it's got a cardboard steering wheel.. And look, there's no engine! It just has a drawing of an engine!
Car salesman: But it only had one previous owner...James Bond!
Peter: I'll take it!

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Peter: Not a word to your mother about my getting canned.
Lois: What?
Peter: Nothing. Ooh, the lost-my-job smells great!
Lois: Excuse me?
Peter: Uh...Meg, honey, could you please pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?
Lois: Peter, are you feeling okay?
Peter: What are you talking about, Lois? I feel great. I haven't got a job in the world

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