Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXLois Griffin Quotes
Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)
Richard Dawson: Name something you sit in.
Lois: A chair.
Stewie: My own feces.
Richard Dawson: Name a popular fruit.
Lois: Orange.
Stewie: Clay Aiken.
Richard Dawson: Something in your closet.
Lois: Shoes.
Stewie: A scary monster.
Richard Dawson: Your favorite holiday.
Lois: Christmas.
Stewie: 911.
Richard Dawson: Name something you do on the weekend.
Lois: Go to church.
Stewie: Black guys.
Peter: Keep it up Lois and I might fire you.
Lois: You wouldn't.
Peter: Does the name, Lacey Chabert mean anything to you?
Lois: Okay, I'll behave.
Peter: Yes, you will.
Lois: Is my father going to be okay, Dr. House?
Dr. House: He's in a coma, Mrs. Griffin. Listening to the sound of your voice, I'd say he's the lucky one.
Old Lois: Hi, Glen. How's the arthritis?
Old Quagmire: Fine. 'Course, I've gotten a little stiff since you walked in, Giggety gigg... oop, I just pooped a little.
Old Cleveland: Oh... that's... nasty...
Peter: Sweet, Quagmire! You got a winnebago!
Quagmire: You mean a "Wanna-bang-o"!
Lois: (Sarcastically) Oh, how clever.
Lois: Chris, I'm gonna teach you to be an affable, desirable young man, who doesn't smell like the inside of a wool hat.
Chris: Why you gotta break balls?
Peter: (on TV) You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Eh? Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits jumping around there on stage, half naked with your little outfits. You know? You're up there jumpin' around and I'm just sittin' here with my beer. So, you know, what am I supposed to do? What do you--what do you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're tryin' to--why you're leapin' around there throwin' those things all up in--um, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! Well, I'll tell you what you want...you want nothin'! You want nothin'! All right, because we all that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone. And to titilate us with any thoughts otherwise is-is-is-is just bogus.
Lois: Oh, he is so right on. Women are such teases. That's why I went back to men.
Meg: Ok...mom, thanks for that. Um, see you later. (Leaves)
Chris: Go on...
Lois: Peter, are you peeing in that skull?
Peter: No Lois! I'm getting up and walking all the way to the bathroom and doing it there...Pain in the ass.
Lois: Oh, Peter, I'm so proud of you. Once again you've brought our family to the edge of the abyss and at the very last minute you saved us all. I love you, honey.
Peter: And I've grown fond of you, Lois. Let's go home.
Lois: Stewie! Head for Meg's butt!
Stewie: Have you lost your mind?!
Mr. Pewterschmidt: (indicates his wife) Look at my wife! Do you think I love her?!
Lois Griffin: Wait a minute. Are you saying that two straight people who absolutely hate each other have more of a right to be married than gay people who love each other?!
Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Well, that's what we raised you to believe.
