Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXLois Griffin Quotes
Lois: Peter I'm not hungry.
Peter: I want you bigger, I want you fatter, it will please me.
Peter: ( sees fat Lois come in ) Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere?
Lois: I don't know. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
Peter: (laughs sarcastically) Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, swear to god, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car.
Chris: For my science homework, I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man.
Lois: You mean diorama.
Chris: ...Uh-oh.
Lois: I now understand that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?
Meg: For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?
Lois: Chris we all love your hat.
Chris: Thanks Mom!
Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighters.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.
Lois: I think I'm pregnant.
Peter: Oh, are you sure it's yours?
Lois: Do you think I'm fat?
Waiter: Only if you think I'm a serial killer.
Lois: What?
Waiter: Nothing.
Lois: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy?
Peter: First: I don't know what that is. And two: no freakin way.
Lois: My breasts are so engorged from the weaning, I've gone up two bra sizes.
Brian: What did you do with the old bras?
Glen, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!
Chris: Mom, there's no water in the toilet.
Lois: First of all Chris, it's called a loo. Second, there's no water in it because everyone here just uses Elizabeth Hurley.
Chris: Alright, well, where is she, 'cause I need her now!
Lois: (Holds up a "Church of the Fonz" poster) Peter, you've been posting these all over town. People are gonna think you're crazy.
Peter: Hey, how'd you like to lose a bunch of teeth? Oh, I'm sorry, Lois, that was uncalled for. But that's what you get when you challenge someone's beliefs.
