Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
Brian: Joe, Joe, it's Brian. Listen. I have to tell you something. I'm - I'm pretty sure Principal Shepard killed his wife.
Joe: That's a serious accusation. Do you have any proof?
Brian: I have something better than proof. Rank suspicion born out of boredom and loneliness.
Meg: Dad, what are we going to do?
Peter: You think it's too early to tie our shirts around our heads to show we're going insane?
Lois: And Meg I hope you learned your lesson about drinking.
Meg: Yeah. I think I'd rather live my life as a loser than feel bad once in a while.
Lois: Well, I hope you know that you're our loser.
Meg: Thanks, mom.
Nothing reminds you more of what you have than watching a grown man poo right through the split in his pants.
Lois
Lois: That was a delicious dinner, daddy.
Carter: You all laughed when I suggested Boston Market. Well, who's laughing now? I guess I am.
Good God, it looks like two eggs wrapped in a handkerchief.
Stewie (as Carter bends over)
You're stuck being a single loser. You might as well embrace it.
Brian
What's the matter, Brian? Have you fallen and can't get up?
Peter
Brian: Quagmire? What are you doing here?
Quagmire: Oh, I have an all-access pass to anything sex related in this town.
Chris: I can't tell if they have a really strong marriage or a really bad one.
Meg: I feel like it's weird but strong. Like Danny Trejo.
Brian [about Fast and Furious movies]: So what's the plot?
Stewie: Oh. So you don't understand these movies.
I've been touched by greatness. I'll never watch this hand again. This is the best thing that happened to me since I became a wise-cracking, fourth wall breaking superhero.
Peter [after touching Boo Berry]
