Carter: Can I turn off everything but the blacklights?
DJ: Sure, I don't care about anything
Carter: Cool.
Chris: Wow. This place is gross.
Carter: Yeah. The NBA All-Star Game was in town last week.

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Opera music makes violence classy.

Peter

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Wouldn't it be great if Wes Anderson movies were that short?

Peter

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Angela: You're fired, Griffin, for destroying company property.
Peter: Tell it to my tongue.

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Stop trying to be a clock. You ain't got the face for it.

Peter

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Lois: What were you thinking writing that Tweet?
Brian: What? It was just a joke.
Lois: Brian, it's not 2005. You can't just go online and say whatever you want.

• Permalink: Brian, it's not 2005. You can't just go online and say whatever you want.
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Cafeteria Kid: Your dog wrote an insensitive Tweet. You can't eat here.
Chris: Uh oh, Meg. It's a sensitivity mob.
Meg: It was just a joke.
Cafeteria Girl: There's no such things as jokes anymore.
Other Cafeteria Boy: Yeah, we live in a post-joke world.

• Permalink: Yeah, we live in a post-joke world.
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Vladmir Putin: Where is bathroom? I George Brett myself on plane.
Peter: Eww. Gross.

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Peter: How do you say friend in Russian?
Putin: There is no Russian word for it.

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Russia has all the hottest and ugliest women in the world. All 10's and 1's.

Peter

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Peter: So what do you do for fun around here? You got DirectTV?
Putin: We have Time-Warner.
Peter: You have HBO?
Putin: We have Starz.
Peter: You have ESPN?
Putin: We have FOX Sports 1.
Peter: That come in HD?
Putin: 420D.
Peter: You got --
Putin: Everything you say, I say something little bit worse.
Peter: You got Simpsons?
Putin: We have Family Guy.
Peter: Ah. I did it to myself.

• Permalink: Ah. I did it to myself.
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My little girl's a drunk. Oh my God. Where did we go wrong?

Peter

• Permalink: My little girl's a drunk. Oh my God. Where did we go wrong?
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