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Brian's gay cousin Jasper announces he's going to marry his partner at the Griffin's. Mayor West bands gay marriages to cover up another scandal of his.
After reading an erotic novel, Peter writes one himself using Carter's money. When Carter gets sued and loses all his money, he's forced to live as a middle-class citizen. Meanwhile, Stewie trains for the Olympics.
Meg becomes an intern for Mayor West; Peter and Lois go back to their old folk singing days at a local talent show.
When Peter gets a vasectomy, he loses his sex drive, causing Lois to get depressed and gain weight. Meanwhile, Stewie's half-brother Bertram returns to confront him and they have a battle for control of the playground.
Peter wins a maid for a week on a game show and Quagmire falls in love with her. Meanwhile, Lois stops breastfeeding Stewie, leading to withdrawals.
At a high school reunion, Peter tries to impress his fellow classmates. On his way to the bathroom he charges through a crowd and catches the eye of Tom Brady.
After Brian's near-death experience he starts a new life where he ends up with a nightly singing gig with Frank Sinatra Jr. Meanwhile, Meg pretends to be a lesbian to fit in with a new after-school group.
When Peter's dad visits the family, he attempts to push his religious beliefs on the family. After a mixup with holy water puts Stewie in a bubble, Peter starts his own religion devoted to The Fonz.
When Lois discovers she has a brother, Patrick, living at a mental institution, she gets him out and moves him in with the family.
Lois thinks Stewie is trying to kill her due to lack of time with his father, so she makes Peter spend more time with Stewie. Meanwhile, Chris befriends Herbert.