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When Peter gets a vasectomy, he loses his sex drive, causing Lois to get depressed and gain weight. Meanwhile, Stewie's half-brother Bertram returns to confront him and they have a battle for control of the playground.
Peter wins a maid for a week on a game show and Quagmire falls in love with her. Meanwhile, Lois stops breastfeeding Stewie, leading to withdrawals.
At a high school reunion, Peter tries to impress his fellow classmates. On his way to the bathroom he charges through a crowd and catches the eye of Tom Brady.
After Brian's near-death experience he starts a new life where he ends up with a nightly singing gig with Frank Sinatra Jr. Meanwhile, Meg pretends to be a lesbian to fit in with a new after-school group.
When Peter's dad visits the family, he attempts to push his religious beliefs on the family. After a mixup with holy water puts Stewie in a bubble, Peter starts his own religion devoted to The Fonz.
When Lois discovers she has a brother, Patrick, living at a mental institution, she gets him out and moves him in with the family.
Lois thinks Stewie is trying to kill her due to lack of time with his father, so she makes Peter spend more time with Stewie. Meanwhile, Chris befriends Herbert.
After writing a story for a local magazine, Brian gets a job writing for the New Yorker. When he admits he never graduated from college, he's fired, and goes back to school.
After a wardrobe malfunction causes the FCC to censor all live broadcasts, Peter creates his own station, "PTV," broadcasting out of his own home.censored.
Trying to avoid being hazed at school, Chris runs off to South America. Peter gets frustrated with his new job on the brewery.