The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Bart Simpson Quotes
Moe: Yeah. Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
Bart: Is Jacques there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Jacques. Last name Strap.
Moe: Uh, hold on. (Calling out) Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey, guys, I'm lookin' for a Jacques Strap!
(The entire bar laughs at Moe.)
Moe: What? Aw, wait a minute, Jacques Strap? It's you isn't it, you cowardly little runt! When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.
Marge [to Bart, Homer and Lisa]: I'm sorry, everybody, but I've only got two cupcakes for the three of you.
Bart: Well, mom, one of us has scarfed down more than enough cupcakes over the past three decades to keep--
Homer: Bart!
Homer: Through here, boy. Back to civilization.
Bart: How do you know?
Homer: When you're an experienced woodsman like me, you get a feel for these things. It becomes natural, like a third sense.
Bart: Does it have its own satellite dish, sir?
Bob: You can tell your son it has its own satellite. The VanStar One, launched last February, just for this thing, that's all.
Bart: Whoa, man!
Marge: I'm not sure that we can afford--
Homer: Does it have a deep fryer?
Bob: It has four of them--one for each part of the chicken.
Bart: Turkey farm?
Lisa: No.
Bart: Skunks?
Lisa: No.
Bart: Slaughterhouse?
Lisa: No.
Marge: What are you doing back there?
Lisa: We're playing, "What's that odor?"
Bart: Dad's feet?
Homer: Bart!
Lisa: You win, Bart.
Homer: Lisa!
Bart: Are we there yet, Dad?
Homer: I'll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.
Bart: Hey, Dad, how come we can't get a decent mower, like the Flanders have?
Homer: Just be happy with what what you've got, son. Don't try to keep up with the Flander-es-es.
Milhouse: Will there be cavemen in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: Certainly not!
Bart: Um, ma'am, what if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!
Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives. At least until you've heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart: Uh, about twenty-three minutes and five seconds.
Bart: It's just a statue.
Marge: It's a statue of the trailblazing founder of our town.
Lisa: It's a symbol of what we can all do if we put our minds to it.
Homer: Just a statue? Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue? Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza just a statue?
Marge: Lisa, Bart, what did you two learn in Sunday school today?
Lisa: The answers to deep theological questions.
Bart: Yeah. Among other things, apes can't get into Heaven.
Homer: What? Those cute little monkeys? That's terrible. Who told you that?
Bart: Our teacher.
Homer: I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what about those really smart ones who live among us, who roller-skate and smoke cigars?
Bart: Dad, can I talk to you about something?
Homer: Sure, boy. What's on your mind?
(Homer puts Bart on his lap.)
Bart: Well, I was wondering. How important is it to be popular?
Homer: I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
Bart: So, like, sometimes you could do stuff that you think is pretty bad so other kids will like you better?
Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?
Bart: No.
Homer: (Sternly) Are you?
Bart: No!
Homer: Then run along, you little scamp.
(Bart's climbs down from Homer's lap.)
Homer: A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.
I heard that spider-man was actually a comic book before it was a movie... is this true?
