I'll get one those jobs where you don't need to read. Like french fry maker or general.

Developer: I have twins I've never met.
Bart: When you meet them tell them your game is too easy.

Bart: To sweeten the deal, I'll pick you first for basketball.
Martin: To be a mathlete without the 'm.'

Milhouse: I need that [cootie] shot, my dog and I accidentally touched tongues.
Bart: How is this accidentally when it's the fifth time?

Traitor. How dare you betray me on me on the planet that got me laid?

Marge: I take your sugary sweets and give you healthy items...
Bart: This is exactly why kids need a union.

I thought teachers only went outside to smoke and cry.

Same garbage, different dumpster.

Bart: If fairytales have taught us anything, first wives are the best and second wives are terrible.
Homer: Just the opposite of real life.

The last place anyone would expect to see a moon - the sky.

It's one of those unsolved mysteries, like how do my clothes get cleaned and get back in my dresser?

Lisa: You're gonna regret the day you were born.
Bart: I already do, it's too close to Christmas.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...