Bart: If fairytales have taught us anything, first wives are the best and second wives are terrible.
Homer: Just the opposite of real life.

The last place anyone would expect to see a moon - the sky.

It's one of those unsolved mysteries, like how do my clothes get cleaned and get back in my dresser?

Lisa: You're gonna regret the day you were born.
Bart: I already do, it's too close to Christmas.

Only you can make tree poop boring.

Bart: Who the hell asre Cheech and Chong?
Homer: Cheech and Chong were the Beavis and Butthead of their day!
Bart: Who are Beavis and Butthead?

Bart: Are they robots?
Pharmaceutical Sales Rep: No, robots can develop human feelings. We're graduates of Arizona State.
Pharmaceutical Exec: I scoop them up by the Sorority.
Nerd: This is the nerd fraternity!
Pharmaceutical Exec: Drop them off in research.

Nelson: Did you find any gold?
Bart: Even better, the prospectors left naughty French postcards.
Nelson: Bart, this is fool's porn, I'll take it off your hands.

I just have one question about hair, where does mine start?

Bart: Can I betray the country I pledge allegiance to every day?
CIA Guy #1: You pledge allegiance to the flag.
CIA Guy #2: And the flag is made in China.

Bart: Those are girl overalls!
Milhouse: I could pull it off.

Oh my god I think I just met the thing I'm going to die on.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa