Brian Griffin Quotes
Brian: You ever hear of the theory that if you kill a butterfly in the past, it can drastically alter the present? Well who knows what else we changed.
(Peter turns the TV on)
Announcer: Tonight on the Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney.
Peter: Oh, he's good.
Announcer: Comedian Dave Chappelle.
Brian: He's funny, like him.
Announcer: And musician Harry Connick Jr.
Peter: Wow, what a show.
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentleman, heeeeeeeeeere's Chevy!
Peter: Oh god Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!
(to 18 year old Lois) Could I 'Wham' my 'Oingo Boingo' into your 'Velvet Underground'?
(Peter is talking with Brian, about returning to the past to correct the present)
Peter: I don't care what it takes, Brian. I gotta get Lois back somehow.
Brian: Well, the only one who can help us is Death, and he only shows up when somebody dies.
Peter: Ah, that's gonna be tough. With President Gore's Universal Health Care, people are living much longer these days.
Brian: And with Zero Tolerance gun control and a strong, well-funded educational system, there's no street crime. Face it, Peter, you not marrying Lois was the best thing that ever happened to the world.
Peter: I don't care! We gotta find a way to summon Death, and quick!
(Jane Jetson falls out of the sky to the pavement, dead)
Peter: Well, that might do it.
Peter: Death, oh thank God you're here! Listen, you gotta send me back in time again, so I can marry Lois!
Death: Man, it's been a busy day. Dick Cheney, the chairman of Haliburton, shot Supreme Court Justice Scalia in a hunting accident, and the bullet went right through him and killed Karl Rove and Tucker Carlson.
Brian: Oh my God, Peter, you can't marry Lois!
Peter: I don't know who any of those people are.
Radio: Stay tuned for President Ronald Reagan's weekly radio address.
Peter: Ronald Reagan? The actor? He's president?
Brian: Peter, you're the one from the future, you should know - ah, forget it.
Stewie: Hey, you have a tattoo.
Brian: No I don't.
Stewie: Is that Ziggy? Is that a Ziggy tattoo
Brian: Aw, geez.
Stewie: Why do you have a Ziggy tattoo
Brian: I just to used think he was kind of funny. We should get to the hospital.
Stewie: Brian, how many years have I been saying you and I should go berry picking?
Brian: A lot of years, Stewie.
Stewie: Wait a minute. Do you know where we are, Brian? This is a very special place. They say once every 100 years, in this spot, Donny Most rises from the mist.
Brian: Ah, I think that's just a legend.
Stewie: Well that's because you're...look!
Hey, hey, Lois, look, look, another dog, Look, there's another dog! Hey other dog, f*** you!
Chris (moaning): Mom, how long do we have to wear these wigs?
Lois: Until our hair grows back, Chris.
Meg: Dad, you couldn't have gotten us anything more stylish?
Stewie: I don't think it's so bad, I feel rather like Mozart.
Brian: Hey Stewie, play Haydn.
(Stewie plays toy piano, Meg, Lois, and Chris laugh and clap)
Brian: Now play Handel.
(Stewie plays again, gets cheers from Meg, Lois and Chris)
Peter: Play Peter Griffin.
Stewie: Ah, now that is a challenge.
(When at the ballet)
Brian: Boy, this is gonna be long. So, ah, you kids develop any pot connections at your school yet?
Brian: Ah. Lois, Meg's just gonna take me outside to poop.
Brian: Can you believe that cashier's accent? "Would you like some change for you?"
Stewie: If it weren't for 9/11, they'd be adorable!
(Brian and Stewie hid in a bathroom)
Brian: We need some way of changing your appearance!
Stewie: I feel like Britney Spears. I'm standing in urine and I hate the person I'm with.
Brian: Well, we got lucky. How you holding up Stewie?
Stewie: (in female clothing) Ummm, I feel right Brian. I feel right.