Charlie Harper Quotes
Michelle: You've got my number, right?
Charlie: Indeed I do. ... 47.
Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.
Alan: It's not what it looks like.
Charlie: That's a relief cause it looks like you were masturbating to mariachi music in your car.
Alan: I only get AM radio!
Alan: Do you have any idea how long it would take me to earn that kind of money?
Charlie: Oh don't think like that. You're never going to earn that kind of money.
Dr. Shankman: Is there anything else you'd like done while you're out? A little lipo, nose job, penis enlargement?
Charlie: No, no, thanks. For the record, I got the penis enlargement when you (Nurse Kendra) walked in the room.
Jake: You're cheap.
Alan: I'm not cheap. I'm broke. There's a difference.
Charlie: He was cheap long before he was broke.
Charlie: Does she still have a Hitler mustache on the Russian front?
Alan: I wouldn't know. I was blindfolded and hog tied.
Evelyn: When this heals, I'll have the face of a twelve year old girl.
Charlie: But from the neck down you'll have an the body of an Egyptian mummy.
Alan: She left her kid there. She's got to come back.
Charlie: Would you come back for that kid?
Alan: She's never coming back.
Chris, I believe you know my brother. The man who's banging your wife and burnt down your house.
Chris: I just found out I have a lump on my groin.
Herb: Bad place for a lump.
Charlie: Tell me a good place.
Herb: Someone else's groin.
Charlie: You'd really be willing to risk your marriage over a cute, young babysitter?
Herb: I certainly wouldn't risk it over a fat, ugly one.
