Charlie Harper Quotes
I did a babysitter once. My mom was furious.
Charlie: I promise I'll get a quiet hooker.
Alan: Believe or not, that's a real concession on his part.
Charlie: You guys are no fun, I'm gonna call a hooker.
Lyndsey: Charlie, there's two boys in the house!
Charlie: Let them get their own hookers.
Charlie: I think she punched my right nut into my ribcage.
Evelyn: Poor baby. Want me to take a look?
Charlie: No thanks.
Evelyn: I have seen them before. I'd imagine they're hanging a lot lower now.
Charlie: Right back at you mom.
Evelyn: Touche, darling.
Evelyn: Desperate?
Charlie: Like a gold fish in the leaky bag.
No coming clean. Unless you're banging Mr. Bubbles.
Alan: The man who was asked to leave Bangkok for moral turpitude finds this distasteful?
Charlie: That was a misunderstanding. I had no idea it was an endangered species.
Alan: Nothing I'm doing requires a ten day quarantine and a series of rabies shots.
Berta: End of era, huh charlie?
Charlie: Yep. From now on, no brother, no nephew. Just the sounds of the ocean punctuated by the soft voices of prostitutes lying about the enormity of my sexual organ.
Berta: You do know how to paint a picture
Charlie: What can I say, i have the heart of a poet.
Berta: Unfortunately the rest of you is a drunken scumbag
Alan: It was just a one time thing. Actually a two time thing, once was in the shower.
Charlie: Well that is where you've been practicing.
My past is divided between things I can't remember and things I don't want to and you're both.
Everyone has a little baggage. I drink and try to mouth kiss hookers. You, you're cheap annoying and no one like you.
Alan: What's not to love?
Charlie: I dunno, her mood swings, her idiot teenage son and the fact you need a muscle relaxer, a bottle of wine and a jackhammer to get her off.
