Two and a Half Men

Charlie Harper Quotes (Page 8)

Charlie: You'd really be willing to risk your marriage over a cute, young babysitter?
Herb: I certainly wouldn't risk it over a fat, ugly one.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: I did a babysitter once. My mom was furious.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: I promise I'll get a quiet hooker.
Alan: Believe or not, that's a real concession on his part.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: You guys are no fun, I'm gonna call a hooker.
Lyndsey: Charlie, there's two boys in the house!
Charlie: Let them get their own hookers.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: I think she punched my right nut into my ribcage.
Evelyn: Poor baby. Want me to take a look?
Charlie: No thanks.
Evelyn: I have seen them before. I'd imagine they're hanging a lot lower now.
Charlie: Right back at you mom.
Evelyn: Touche, darling.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Evelyn: Desperate?
Charlie: Like a gold fish in the leaky bag.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: No coming clean. Unless you're banging Mr. Bubbles.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan: The man who was asked to leave Bangkok for moral turpitude finds this distasteful?
Charlie: That was a misunderstanding. I had no idea it was an endangered species.
Alan: Nothing I'm doing requires a ten day quarantine and a series of rabies shots.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Berta: End of era, huh charlie?
Charlie: Yep. From now on, no brother, no nephew. Just the sounds of the ocean punctuated by the soft voices of prostitutes lying about the enormity of my sexual organ.
Berta: You do know how to paint a picture
Charlie: What can I say, i have the heart of a poet.
Berta: Unfortunately the rest of you is a drunken scumbag
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan: It was just a one time thing. Actually a two time thing, once was in the shower.
Charlie: Well that is where you've been practicing.
 • Rating: Unrated

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