Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South-park

Kyle: How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
Stan: At least a couple hours.
Kyle: Do you think he'll be okay?
Cartman (walking off): He's fine!

Ms. Choksondik: [to Kyle's cousin, Kyle] Now Kyle, I need you to be quiet. In my class you need to be able to concentrate. Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
Cartman: Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp. [remembers Kyle's deal] Aww. Damnit, damnit, damnit!

(When Cartman shows everyone Kenny's picture)
Cartman: Dude, check it out! It's the sweetest thing I've ever done!
Kenny: (muffled) YOU'VE ever done?

Mr. Mackey: Well, what did you used to think was funny?
Cartman: You know, all the usual stuff. Dirty jokes, funny movies, seeing someone die. This morning, I even saw a little girl get her fingers caught in a car door and I couldn't laugh. I mean I, I knew it was funny, but I couldn't laugh.

Yeah well I guess now we'll have to call him Ben Ass-fleck.

(Cartman is in the movies after losing his sense of humor)
Guy 1: Dude, why are you wearing Shilaynas' panties?
(Crowd laughs)
Guy 2: I had to wear Shilaynas' panties, Lisa's were in the wash.
(Crowd Laughs)
Guy 1: Look can we just get this over with?
Guy 2: But dude I can't french kiss him, he's my Grandpa.
(Crowd laughs)
Guy 1: Come on dude.
Guy 2: Oh alright here it goes, come here Grandpa
(Crowd laughs and cheers except for Cartman)
Cartman: Aw, dude! Bah.
Audience member: Dude, what's wrong with you?
Cartman: Nothing's wrong with me!
Guy 2: Well I'm glad that's over with. We better go back to the house now to see how Chris is doing.
Cartman: Ahahahaha.......haha...Uh.

Cartman:Whatever. All I know is that I can laugh again, I'm gonna go home and eat another chocolate gun, come on Kenny!
(A motorbike runs over Kenny)
Cartman: Bahahahaha!

Cartman: Hey, look! An infidel!
(Osama Bin Laden looks the other way as Cartman pantses him. Then, there are many magnifying glasses from off screen placed in front of his crotch and sign pops up from off screen reading "Tiny, ain't it?!".)
Cartman: (after Osama pulls his pants up) So THAT'S what this is all about...

Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!

(about Afghanistan) God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Christ!

(kisses Osama bin Laden) Ooo, tastes like chicken; the ASS of a chicken!

It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't say here or else it will choke on the sweet air of freedom.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 498 in total

Want more South Park?

Sign up for our daily newsletter and receive the latest tv news delivered to your inbox for free!

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman
x Close Ad