Eric Cartman Quotes
Kyle: How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
Stan: At least a couple hours.
Kyle: Do you think he'll be okay?
Cartman (walking off): He's fine!
- Permalink: How far do you think it is to Connecticut? At least a couple h...
Ms. Choksondik: [to Kyle's cousin, Kyle] Now Kyle, I need you to be quiet. In my class you need to be able to concentrate. Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
Cartman: Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp. [remembers Kyle's deal] Aww. Damnit, damnit, damnit!
- Permalink: Now Kyle, I need you to be quiet. In my class you need to be abl...
(When Cartman shows everyone Kenny's picture)
Cartman: Dude, check it out! It's the sweetest thing I've ever done!
Kenny: (muffled) YOU'VE ever done?
- Permalink: Dude, check it out! It's the sweetest thing I've ever done! Y...
Mr. Mackey: Well, what did you used to think was funny?
Cartman: You know, all the usual stuff. Dirty jokes, funny movies, seeing someone die. This morning, I even saw a little girl get her fingers caught in a car door and I couldn't laugh. I mean I, I knew it was funny, but I couldn't laugh.
- Permalink: Well, what did you used to think was funny? You know, all th...
Yeah well I guess now we'll have to call him Ben Ass-fleck.
- Permalink: Yeah well I guess now we'll have to call him Ben Ass-fleck.
(Cartman is in the movies after losing his sense of humor)
Guy 1: Dude, why are you wearing Shilaynas' panties?
Guy 2: I had to wear Shilaynas' panties, Lisa's were in the wash.
Guy 1: Look can we just get this over with?
Guy 2: But dude I can't french kiss him, he's my Grandpa.
Guy 1: Come on dude.
Guy 2: Oh alright here it goes, come here Grandpa
(Crowd laughs and cheers except for Cartman)
Cartman: Aw, dude! Bah.
Audience member: Dude, what's wrong with you?
Cartman: Nothing's wrong with me!
Guy 2: Well I'm glad that's over with. We better go back to the house now to see how Chris is doing.
- Permalink: Dude, why are you wearing Shilaynas' panties? I had to wear ...
Cartman:Whatever. All I know is that I can laugh again, I'm gonna go home and eat another chocolate gun, come on Kenny!
(A motorbike runs over Kenny)
- Permalink: Whatever. All I know is that I can laugh again, I'm gonna go hom...
Cartman: Hey, look! An infidel!
(Osama Bin Laden looks the other way as Cartman pantses him. Then, there are many magnifying glasses from off screen placed in front of his crotch and sign pops up from off screen reading "Tiny, ain't it?!".)
Cartman: (after Osama pulls his pants up) So THAT'S what this is all about...
- Permalink: Hey, look! An infidel! So THAT'S what this is all about...
Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!
- Permalink: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; t...
(about Afghanistan) God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Christ!
- Permalink: God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Chri...
(kisses Osama bin Laden) Ooo, tastes like chicken; the ASS of a chicken!
- Permalink: Ooo, tastes like chicken; the ASS of a chicken!
It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't say here or else it will choke on the sweet air of freedom.
- Permalink: It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't say here or else it will c...
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