South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralPopular Jimbo Kern Quotes
Stan: Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.
Jimbo: What?!
Ned: Oh yeah that's right I don't think 8 year olds drink beer.
Kyle: I like chocolate milk.
Jimbo: Well, we'll be doin' plenty of drinkin' on this hunting trip. After all, hunting sober is like... fishing... sober.
Jimbo: What's wrong with you?
Stan: I don't wanna shoot the bunny.
Jimbo: What do you mean you don't wanna shoot the bunny? You're babbling. You're not making any sense. You're hysterical!
Stan: Cartman always makes stuff up, Ned. You can't believe anything he says.
Cartman: Hey, I'll blow your friggin' head off.
Jimbo: Hey, look out son, that's dangerous. You're gonna spill your beer.
Stan: Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says we gotta get up there early. Right Uncle Jimbo?
Jimbo: That's right, Stanley. Animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.
Now boys, boys, I, I need to get serious for a minute. I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting, since this is your first time. First, don't ever walk with your gun unless the safety's on. Second, don't shoot anything that looks human and third, never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.
Uncle Jimbo
Ned: What are we doing here?
Jimbo: Well Ned, we usually kidnap the Middle Park mascot, but this year, we're gonna blow it up!
Stan: Holy Crap Dude, Satan's huge!
Jimbo: Now that's is the guy who has been eating a lot of beef.
Don't feel too bad there, kid; I never knew who my father was, either. I mean, I did know who he was, and we had some great times together hunting and fishing... Well, hell, you know what I mean!
Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Jimbo: Nope. He's gay.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Narrator: Is it Jimbo?
Jimbo: Daaagh!
Narrator: Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Huh?! Where?!
Narrator: Or could it be Ned?
Ned: Could be.
Narrator: Or Mr. Broflovski??
Kyle: Dad, how could you?!
Narrator: Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.
Cartman: What?! Son of a bitch!!
Producer: Our ratings have gone up to twenty people.
Jimbo: Does that mean we get more money?
Producer: No, but I do!
Jesus: Welcome back. Now, Jimbo, would you please tell me why your nephew do stuff like this to you?
Jimbo: Well, I'll tell you, Jesus... It's because he takes drugs and he worships the devil!
(The people in the audience gasp.)
People in audience: (chanting) Jesus! Jesus!
Jesus: Wow, Stanley! Now your uncle sounds really worried for you!
Stan: Well, I only did it because he... MOLESTED me!
(The people in the audience gasp again.)
Jimbo: Why, you little piece of crap...!
Stan: You big piece of crap!
Cartman: That's it! Now I'm all pissed off! (Cartman throws a chair at Ned) Take that, hippie!
Jimbo: Hey!
Cartman: (in his Scuzzlebutt costume) I am Scuzzlebutt! Lord of the Mountains! Behold my Patrick Duffy leg!
Ned: What is it?
Kyle: Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Cartman WASN'T lying!
Jimbo: Holy smoke! We can make a mint killing this thing!
Ned: We'll be on the cover of "Guns and Ammo".
Jimbo: This calls for some HJ-14...
Cartman: (chuckles) Those guys are totally scared...
Jimbo: Fire in the hole! (fires two missiles)
Cartman: Holy crap! (dodges the two missiles)
Jimbo: Damn it! I think I missed!
Cartman: What the hell is wrong with you people?! (runs away)
Jimbo: Come on, let's move! Move!
