South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralPopular Jimbo Kern Quotes
Jimbo: Well, looks like we're not going anywhere for a long time.
Director: We're snowed in?
Mayor: Yes! We're trapped!
Mr. Garrison: Like sailors on a submarine...
Mayor: My god, this is the worst storm I have ever seen!
Director's Assistant: Oh, I have to get out of here; I haven't eaten since breakfast.
Officer Barbrady: Yeah, I'm getting kind of hungry, too!
Jimbo: I hope you all don't realize what we're facing here... Our only option might be to...eat each other to stay alive.
(Everybody in the building gasps in horror.)
Director: Uh... It's only been, like, four hours... Aren't you people resorting to cannablism a little quickly?
Jimbo: That's a while to live, Mr. Director. I don't eat plenty, but if some of us must die so the rest can stay alive so be it.
Mayor: But...how do we decide who?
Jimbo: Well, we'll draw straws...
Director: Now, wait just a minute! You've all had a big breakfast! Can't you people live without eating for a while??
Jimbo: Calm down, soldier! We need every person here to keep his head! Barbrady, fetch some straws.
Director: Well, who the hell made you the boss, anyway??
Announcer: Who the hell made Jimbo boss? Was it: Officer Barbrady? Chef? Mr. Garrison?
Jimbo: Hey Ned, look what I got you: a new voicebox! (Ned reaches for it, but Jimbo blocks it) You want it? You want it? Here you go!
Ned: (Irish accent) Jimbo, I can't thank you enough for the new voicebox! What in the devil is this, then?
Jimbo: Sorry, Ned. I must have picked up the irish model by mistake.
Ned: Oh, what a bloody pickle this is. Did you keep the receipt, then?
(A man walks in)
Man: Jimbo, Ned, come quick!
Jimbo: What's going on?
Man: They've found another Jakovasaur!
Ned: Blimey.
Jimbo: (about Jakovasaur) Well, let's kill it.
Cartman: No, don't.
Jimbo: Huh?
Cartman: I like it.
Kyle: You don't like anything Cartman.
Ah Ned don't burp talk. That just sicks me out.
Well this is a whole new species of creature! Ned, go call the mayor's office- oh that's right, you can't talk! (laughs)
</i> Jimbo
I can't hear you Ned, you don't have a trachea. You smoked too much and had it removed then you drank too much and lost your god damn voice box.
</i> Jimbo
Now Tweek, boxing is a man's sport. Nothing is more man than boxing. It is man at his most man.
Well looks like we'll have to apply the Offenheimer technique. PUNCH HIM IN THE BALLS TWEEK!
Jimbo: You're in luck; Ned here used to be the state champion until a grenade blew his arm off.
Ned: Mm, I can still kick ass.
Randy Marsh: Hey, if you watch another guy masturbate, does that make you gay?
Jimbo: What!?
Randy: Well, I just, I have this buddy, uh, he sat and watched this other guy play with himself.
Guest: Well, let's go kick his ass.
C'mon Ned, this isn't a whorehouse; it's a horROR house.
Uncle Jimbo
Jimbo: You can do it kid, you can do it!
(after Kyle spells incorrectly)
Jimbo: YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!, YOU COSTED ME 50 BUCKS!!!!
