Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South-park

Cartman: You guys, look here. In this Nancy Drew mystery, Nancy goes to the beach and gets sand trapped in her shoe. This could explain how Kyle got it in his vagina!
Kyle: Cartman, this is serious!
Cartman: So am I, Kyle. If that sand in your vagina doesn't get released, you could become a walking time bomb.

Kyle: Chef, do you know where "shit" comes from?
Chef: Uh, from your ass, children.

Cartman: Don't mind Kyle, everyone. He's just got a little sand in his vagina.
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!!
Ms. Choksondik: Boys, watch your language! Shit!

Kyle: Dude! They're gonna say "shit" on television??
Stan: You can't say "shit" on television!
Cartman: It was just on the news! People are freaking out, dude.
Stan: Holy ****ing shit!

Cartman: You guys! You guys! Oh my god! Oh my god, you guys!
Kyle: What, doughboy?
Cartman: I was... (catches breath) I was just watching the TV and they had this commercial.
Stan: So?
Cartman: So... Guess what they're gonna say tonight on that show "Cop Drama"?
Kyle: What?
Cartman: No, c'mon, guess! They're gonna say something that's never been said on television!
Stan: What?
Cartman: Guess.
Kyle: Goddamit, Cartman! What are they gonna say on "Cop Drama"?
Cartman: Okay, you ready? Tonight...on "Cop Drama"...on TV,...they're gonna say... (looks to the left and right) "shit".

Stan: I can't belive they actually said it...
Cartman: Dude, you missed it, Kyle! It was so awesome!
Kyle: (sarcastically) Well, I hope it lived up to all the hype. You must feel so much better now.
Cartman: Kyle, you've got to get that sand out of your vagina; it's making you cranky. Does it itch?
Kyle: Do you really think anything's gonna be any different now? Do you really think that this will have the tiniest smallest effect on the world? It's still the same old world out there. Look! (opens door and the boys see frogs falling from the sky)
Kyle: What the hell...?
Cartman: Whoa, dude. It's raining frogs...
Kyle: (walks away) Oh, whatever!

Stan: Hey, Kenny!
(As Stan walks into the room, Kenny's bed is empty. Kyle walks up to him)
Kyle: He just... He just... stopped breathing. And it was over.
Stan: But... Did he say anything before he went?
Kyle: He just said... "Where's Stan?"

Nurse: Hey, look who's here.
Kenny: Stan??
Woman: Hello, Kenny, I'm Laura Jones.
Bob: We're with the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Ms. McCormick: Oh, Kenny isn't that nice?
Kenny: The Make-A-Wish Foundation?
Laura: We travel the country giving special little boys and girls like you their biggest wish.
Kyle: Neat, huh Kenny?
Kenny: Yes.
Laura: So Kenny, if you could have ONE wish, what would it be?
Bob: What's your wish, pal?
Kenny: I guess the only thing I wish is to not die.
Laura: What did he say?
Kyle: He said his wish is not to die.
Laura: Okay, and, what if you're gonna have two wishes. What would the second one be?
Bob: I know! I bet you wanna meet Madonna, huh?
(Kenny says something)
Bob: W-what was that?
Kyle: He said Madonna is an old anorexic whore, who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent, she thinks she can play guitar and she should go f*** herself.
Madonna: Should I come in now?
Bob: Uh, no not quite yet.

Butters: Hey fellas, hey fellas! Eric says you gotta come to his house right away.
Stan: Tell him we're busy.
Butters: Oh ah, well he knew you'd say that so he told me to tell you that you don't want to miss this.
Kyle: What? Did he lose 100 pounds?
(The boys laugh)
Butters: Yea, yea he knew you'd say that too so he said to say, uh "Up your ass Jew".

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