South Park

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Kyle: (to Stan about the Gamesphere) Wow, dude. You're the luckiest kid in South Park.
Cartman: Hey, this is all of ours! I'm the one who found Stan's aborted brother in the trash can and blackmailed his mom into getting the Gamesphere!

Stan: Jesus, is Cartman still in the bathroom?
Kyle: Hey Cartman! We're almost to level 20! Are you giving birth in there or what?
Cartman: Let a man take a crap.
Stan: Dude, he's in there punishing my toilet.
Kyle: Yeah, that poor, poor thing.

Kyle: (talking to his mom on the phone) Yea mom, I can't go to the lake. No, Stan's having emotional problems and I need to help Stan through it. He's got (asks Cartman) What is it?
Cartman: Date-rape psychosis.
Kyle: Date-rape something. YeaOkI willOk, thanks mom.

Tynacorp Leader: You see kids, the Army hasn't been telling the truth.
Kyle: Dude, we don't care.
Tynacorp Leader: They wanted to turn these towels into human killers.
Kyle: DUDE, WE DON'T CARE! We just want our Okama Gamesphere.

Real life is so boring and stupid!

Kyle: I don't have to go to the lake!
Cartman: Awesome!
Kyle:She says that's fine, but I still have to go to baseball practice.
Stan: Oh yeah, we've got baseball practice tonight. Goddamn it!
Cartman: We shouldn't have this many responsibilities. We're children!
Stan: It's alright we can still play for 6 more hours, and then we can go play baseball.
Towelie: (walks in) Don't forget to bring a towel!
Kyle: Oh, no.
Towelie : When you're playing sports, the sweat can get in your face. That's why Towelie says "Always keep an extra towel in your duffel bag".
Stan: Okay, we will.
Towelie: All right! (pauses) You wanna get high?
Kyle: No, we don't want to get high.
Towelie: Oh. Okay... Are you sure?
Cartman: Yes! Go away, you stupid towel!
(Towelie walks away.)
Stan: Oh, dude did you see that? I just cut off your face and ate it!
Cartman: That's so cool!

Towelie: Don't forget to bring a towel.
Stan: What?
Towelie: When you get out of the water you need to dry off right away to avoid catching a cold. That's why Towelie says, don't forget to bring a towel!
Stan: Okay!
Kyle: Thanks Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Kyle: No.

Oh my god! Our Gamesphere!

Kyle

Military Leader: Hello, boys. How are you doing?
Stan: Fine.
Military Leader: Say, boys, this may sound a little odd, but Have you seen a talking towel around anywhere?
Kyle: What? You mean Towelie?
Military Leader: (speaks into the two-way radio) Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a Code 5 in (checks map) Park County, Colorado. I repeat, Code 5, Park County, Colorado.
Cartman: What, dude?
(The Military Leader and soldier drive away.)
Stan: Dude, this is gonna be one long ass day

Stan: There it is. The Okama Game Sphere.
Kyle: Dude, it's got 128 gigahertz d-ram.
Stan: What's that?
Kyle: Don't know, but it kicks ass.

Evil Towel: What are you doing?
Towelie: Get away from me, evil towel!
Evil Towel: Towelie, listen to me Let them go. Drop them.
Towelie: No way! They're my friends!
Evil Towel: They aren't your friends! Humans have ruined the environment and killed off their own kind! Their time is over! It's the towels' turn now.
Kyle: (continues reaching for the Gamesphere) I-I've almost got it!
Evil Towel: You're going to let them go, Towelie. Because (holds up a joint) I know your weakness.
(Towelie eyes the joint in the Evil Towel's hand)
Evil Towel: Here, you can reach it Come on, Towelie. How long's it been since you had an nice burn, huh? Twenty? Thirty seconds?
Stan: Oh, crap!
Evil Towel: You're going to have to choose between saving their lives AND getting high.
Towelie: You asshole
Cartman: Towelie! Don't let go, you goddamn towel! Kyle's almost there!
Evil Towel: Go ahead, Towelie. Make your decision.
Towelie: I choose I choose Both!
(Towelie reaches over to puff on the joint, as Kyle grabs the Gamesphere in the nick of time.)

(Stan & Kyle torture a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez!
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make albums or movies.
Stan: That's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
(uses magnifying glass to burn the doll)
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Oh God it burns! It burns!
Stan: Scream for me, bitch!

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 322 in total

South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron