South Park

Kyle Broflovski Quotes (Page 6)

Kyle: What has this world come to? Where people can just take your Okama Game-Sphere.
 • Rating: Unrated

Evil Towel: What are you doing?
Towelie: Get away from me, evil towel!
Evil Towel: Towelie, listen to me Let them go. Drop them.
Towelie: No way! They're my friends!
Evil Towel: They aren't your friends! Humans have ruined the environment and killed off their own kind! Their time is over! It's the towels' turn now.
Kyle: (continues reaching for the Gamesphere) I-I've almost got it!
Evil Towel: You're going to let them go, Towelie. Because (holds up a joint) I know your weakness.
(Towelie eyes the joint in the Evil Towel's hand)
Evil Towel: Here, you can reach it Come on, Towelie. How long's it been since you had an nice burn, huh? Twenty? Thirty seconds?
Stan: Oh, crap!
Evil Towel: You're going to have to choose between saving their lives AND getting high.
Towelie: You asshole
Cartman: Towelie! Don't let go, you goddamn towel! Kyle's almost there!
Evil Towel: Go ahead, Towelie. Make your decision.
Towelie: I choose I choose Both!
(Towelie reaches over to puff on the joint, as Kyle grabs the Gamesphere in the nick of time.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: There it is. The Okama Game Sphere.
Kyle: Dude, it's got 128 gigahertz d-ram.
Stan: What's that?
Kyle: Don't know, but it kicks ass.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Do you have our Okama Gamesphere?
Military Leader: You did very well bring the towel back here, boys. Let me ask you something... What was it that those people at Tynacorp told you? That the "big, bad Military" wanted to turn Towelie into a weapon of mass destruction? Now let me tell you the REAL story...
Stan: Oh, God! Don't care, don't care!
Military Leader: Yes, we've been making our own smart-towels, but only because we HAD to. You see, when we started spying on Tynacorp, we discovered a certain terrifying secret...
(The boys just stand there and stare.)
Military Soldier: Go on! Ask him what terrifying secret!
Kyle: What terrifying secret?
Military Leader: That Tynacorp was using these towels to take over the world!
Cartman: (to Kyle) We're never gonna play our Okama Gamesphere again, are we?
Military Leader: Don't you see what towels like these are capable of?? You get out of the shower and dry yourself off... But then, the towel makes you drier and keeps on making you more dry... Can you imagine it? What it would be like to be way, way too dry? I'll tell you something: you don't want to know, and I don't know.
Kyle: And we don't care.
Military Leader: You've been double-crossed by Tynacorp, kids. They set this all up just so they can get you here and take us down.
Stan: So let me get this straight... Our Okama Gamesphere is back at Tynacorp?
Military Leader: Oh, yes. It has been all along...
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef: Hello there, children.
Boys: Hey, Chef.
Chef: How is sexual-education class coming?
Stan: It's dumb. Mister Mackey isn't teaching us anything.
Chef: Yeah, I don't think ol' Mackey knows a hymen from a hysterectomy. And Ms. Choksondik? I'd be surprised she's ever been laid in her life.
Kyle: Yeah. Chef, what's "laid"?
Chef: Oh, nothing. Now move along, children, you're holding up the line.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: But Chef, when IS the right time for us to start having sex?
Chef: It's very simple, children; The right time to start having sex isseventeen.
Kyle: Seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen.
Sheila: So, you mean seventeen as long as you're in love?
Chef: Nope, just seventeen.
Gerald: But what if you're not ready at seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen. You're ready.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Stan & Kyle torture a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez!
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make albums or movies.
Stan: That's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
(uses magnifying glass to burn the doll)
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Oh God it burns! It burns!
Stan: Scream for me, bitch!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
Cartman: (in panicking voice) I wasn't looking as his schlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!
Kyle: Sure.
 • Rating: Unrated

(playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: There you are, Jennifer Lopez! You've been most uncooperative, Ms. Lopez.
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, please! I promise I'll never make another album or movie!
Stan: It's too late for that, Ms. Lopez.
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Have mercy!
 • Rating: Unrated

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