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South-park

Cartman: I told you Jawas have no hearts.
Kyle: Jawas?
Cartman: You know, Sand People.

Evil Towel: What are you doing?
Towelie: Get away from me, evil towel!
Evil Towel: Towelie, listen to me Let them go. Drop them.
Towelie: No way! They're my friends!
Evil Towel: They aren't your friends! Humans have ruined the environment and killed off their own kind! Their time is over! It's the towels' turn now.
Kyle: (continues reaching for the Gamesphere) I-I've almost got it!
Evil Towel: You're going to let them go, Towelie. Because (holds up a joint) I know your weakness.
(Towelie eyes the joint in the Evil Towel's hand)
Evil Towel: Here, you can reach it Come on, Towelie. How long's it been since you had an nice burn, huh? Twenty? Thirty seconds?
Stan: Oh, crap!
Evil Towel: You're going to have to choose between saving their lives AND getting high.
Towelie: You asshole
Cartman: Towelie! Don't let go, you goddamn towel! Kyle's almost there!
Evil Towel: Go ahead, Towelie. Make your decision.
Towelie: I choose I choose Both!
(Towelie reaches over to puff on the joint, as Kyle grabs the Gamesphere in the nick of time.)

Tynacorp Leader: You see kids, the Army hasn't been telling the truth.
Kyle: Dude, we don't care.
Tynacorp Leader: They wanted to turn these towels into human killers.
Kyle: DUDE, WE DON'T CARE! We just want our Okama Gamesphere.

Stan: There it is. The Okama Game Sphere.
Kyle: Dude, it's got 128 gigahertz d-ram.
Stan: What's that?
Kyle: Don't know, but it kicks ass.

Stan: Do you have our Okama Gamesphere?
Military Leader: You did very well bring the towel back here, boys. Let me ask you something... What was it that those people at Tynacorp told you? That the "big, bad Military" wanted to turn Towelie into a weapon of mass destruction? Now let me tell you the REAL story...
Stan: Oh, God! Don't care, don't care!
Military Leader: Yes, we've been making our own smart-towels, but only because we HAD to. You see, when we started spying on Tynacorp, we discovered a certain terrifying secret...
(The boys just stand there and stare.)
Military Soldier: Go on! Ask him what terrifying secret!
Kyle: What terrifying secret?
Military Leader: That Tynacorp was using these towels to take over the world!
Cartman: (to Kyle) We're never gonna play our Okama Gamesphere again, are we?
Military Leader: Don't you see what towels like these are capable of?? You get out of the shower and dry yourself off... But then, the towel makes you drier and keeps on making you more dry... Can you imagine it? What it would be like to be way, way too dry? I'll tell you something: you don't want to know, and I don't know.
Kyle: And we don't care.
Military Leader: You've been double-crossed by Tynacorp, kids. They set this all up just so they can get you here and take us down.
Stan: So let me get this straight... Our Okama Gamesphere is back at Tynacorp?
Military Leader: Oh, yes. It has been all along...

Kyle: I don't have to go to the lake!
Cartman: Awesome!
Kyle:She says that's fine, but I still have to go to baseball practice.
Stan: Oh yeah, we've got baseball practice tonight. Goddamn it!
Cartman: We shouldn't have this many responsibilities. We're children!
Stan: It's alright we can still play for 6 more hours, and then we can go play baseball.
Towelie: (walks in) Don't forget to bring a towel!
Kyle: Oh, no.
Towelie : When you're playing sports, the sweat can get in your face. That's why Towelie says "Always keep an extra towel in your duffel bag".
Stan: Okay, we will.
Towelie: All right! (pauses) You wanna get high?
Kyle: No, we don't want to get high.
Towelie: Oh. Okay... Are you sure?
Cartman: Yes! Go away, you stupid towel!
(Towelie walks away.)
Stan: Oh, dude did you see that? I just cut off your face and ate it!
Cartman: That's so cool!

Military Leader: Hello, boys. How are you doing?
Stan: Fine.
Military Leader: Say, boys, this may sound a little odd, but Have you seen a talking towel around anywhere?
Kyle: What? You mean Towelie?
Military Leader: (speaks into the two-way radio) Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a Code 5 in (checks map) Park County, Colorado. I repeat, Code 5, Park County, Colorado.
Cartman: What, dude?
(The Military Leader and soldier drive away.)
Stan: Dude, this is gonna be one long ass day

Kyle: (talking to his mom on the phone) Yea mom, I can't go to the lake. No, Stan's having emotional problems and I need to help Stan through it. He's got (asks Cartman) What is it?
Cartman: Date-rape psychosis.
Kyle: Date-rape something. YeaOkI willOk, thanks mom.

Towelie: Don't forget to bring a towel.
Stan: What?
Towelie: When you get out of the water you need to dry off right away to avoid catching a cold. That's why Towelie says, don't forget to bring a towel!
Stan: Okay!
Kyle: Thanks Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Kyle: No.

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