Popular Linda Zwordling Quotes
Linda: Uh, Mr. Palmer, I'm Linda. I-I'm, a friend of your dau... well, no really a friend of your daughter's. More of a colleague. No, I'm definitely not a colleague. We're not equals in any way. I guess if you forced me to define the relationship...
Elijah: Young lady, are you aware that I have only one year to live?
Who does the company think it is, telling us who to boff? We fought the British over our right to boff. They wanted us to shag.
Linda: You're good-looking.
Greg: Yeah, it bums me out, too. Thanks a lot, God.
Linda: No, it's just, I'm not dating off that stupid list. A friend and I made a deal not to. We can't let the company breed us like golden retrievers or we'll all end up with weak hips and kennel cough.
Greg: I have my own little way of acting out.
Linda: Really?
Greg: Yeah.
Linda: What is it?
Greg: No, you're going to think it's strange.
Linda: Oh, come on. I told you my thing.
Greg: All right. Uh, twice a week after work, I put on a totally realistic bear costume and hang out in the park.
Linda: You what now?
Greg: Yeah, it makes me feel powerful. Mighty. I don't scare anyone. I sit around in the bushes, root around for berries. Once I pushed on a camper. You know, bear kind of stuff.
Linda: Hey there, Bloopity-Bloo.
Ted: Bloopity-Bloo?
Linda: It's a nickname I came up with for you, right off the top of my head.
Ted: Hmm, so what made you get high before work this morning?
Linda: I may have a whole new career entertaining children instead of working for a place that uses them to assemble munitions.
Ted: Boy, who's gonna judge us when you're gone?
Linda: You guys are thinking about antlers and tails, aren't you?
Phil: Why do animals get all the best stuff attached to their bodies?
Lem: I would love to have a blowhole.
It--it's just... what if I can't do this. Maybe I'm really not a writer. What if I end up just some product tester working for a soulless company with a half-finished lemur story in her drawer. What a cliche.
Veronica: God, I love Asia. There's no regulation on anything. Did you know companies there can just shoot a man in the street? I heard that at a conference about reasons to move your business to Asia.
Linda: I know. They make it crazy hard to kill anyone here. I want my country back.
Ted: The company has classified this as confidential.
Linda: But it's a good thing. Why does it need to be confidential?
Ted: Because, uh, if only bad things were confidential, then every time they labeled something as "confidential," people would know it was bad.
Linda: That's weird.
Ted: I know. Then don't do it.
Phil: And so we're looking for a way to make Ted feel good about us again.
Lem: Any ideas?
Linda: I don't know. Buy him a candle.
Lem: That's not gonna fly. Ted hates things that light on fire.
Phil: Hey, Ted likes Linda.
Lem: You wanna give him Linda?
Phil: Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking that, but...
Linda: I will be given to no man! I saw that in a movie once. (the guys stare) Nothing.
Ted: I hope you're not upset.
Linda: Nah. You stole from the company for me. How could a girl be mad at someone that does that? You're like my thief in shining armor.
