Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Chris: Hey Meg! I'm going to jump that fire hydrant!
Meg: Chris don't! You're going to wreck Dad's bike!
Chris: Too late! I already narrowed my eyes!

Meg: We haven't made love in two weeks!
Joe: We haven't made love ever!

Meg: Sometimes, it's really hard being me. So I guess I just make "meganaid."
Joe: That sounds disgusting.

Meg [to Chris]: Yea Griffin! Your mom's gross and nasty!
Chris to Meg: Yea suck it! You're a whore daughter!

Meg: I bet you don't even know what [Obama's] first name is!
Chris: I don't know... Mike?

Meg: It's not something you learn, it's something that's inside of you, like the ability to choose to be gay.
Chris: I don't think they choose that...
Meg: Oh trust me, they choose that.

Brian: Lauren just finished a fascinating doctoral thesis on sub-orbital propulsion mechanisms that NASA is using for the next generation of space shuttles.
Chris and Meg: Oooohhhhhh... Aaaaahhhh!
Peter: So, Lauren, um, whenever I'm watchin' your show... you give me wood. Where do we go from here?

Slug/Meg: How come I never have any lines in these things?
Han/Peter: Shut up, Meg.

Meg: I like the outfit you have on
Ida: Thank you, Meg. Who did your procedure.
Meg: Wow, you just burned your last friend in this room, lady.

Peter: So... question. How long has Stewie been unconcious?
Meg: Oh my god, Chris, he knows. Dad, I'm so sorry we should have told someone but we were too scared. I wanted to take him to the hospital, but Chris wouldn't let me.
Peter: Good Chris. I've taught you well. You have the right instincts. When you were babies, I used to knock you kids out every month or so. Some times by accident. Sometimes when the Patriots lost. You just gotta cover it up and everything works it self out. Meg, this is a list of hats. I need these by 4 o'clock.

Meg: I wanna be a veterinarian when I grow up!
Peter: Meg, we've been over this. You're going to gain 150lbs., and write Ugly Betty fan-fiction.
Meg: But Daaaaaaaad!
Peter: Meg, that's final.

Meg: No offense, Mr. Herbert, but I'm a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for you.
Herbert: Well, no offense to you Meg, but you're a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for YOU.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 138 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley