Ned: Since the police can't seem to get off their duff-a-roonies to do something about this burglar-ino, I propose we start out own neighborhood watch (pause) aroony! (everyone cheers) Now, who should lead the group?
Man: You!
Everyone: (cheering again) Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!
Ned: Well, I don't have much experience, but I'd be--
Moe: Someone else!
Ned: (more cheers) Someone else! Someone else! Someone else!
Homer: I'm someone else!
Lenny: He's right!
Homer: We don't need a thinker, we need a doer! Someone who'll act without considering the consequences!

Ned: What do you think, Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Crowd: Yeah!
Mr. Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town!
Crowd: Yeah!
(Barney burps)
Crowd: Yeah!

Ned: Kids did anybody pray for giant shoes!?
Rod: I did!
Ned: Okaley Dokely!

Ned: Well, it's Bart Simpson...come on in! You're just in time for "Sponge Bath the Old Folks" Day!
Jasper: Help yourself...but stay above the equator!

Homer: Oh, what does it matter? We're doomed!
Ned: (Sees a seagull) Wrong, we're saved! Seagulls always stay near land! They only go out to sea to die!
(The seagull squawks as it lands in the water and dies.)
Homer: Woo-hoo! See that, boy?! Your old man was right, not Flanders! We are doomed! (Points to Ned) In your face, Flanders!

Ned Flanders: I guess now we know why they call them rapids and not 'slow-pids', huh?
Bart: Ha ha ha!
Homer: (to Bart) You are not my son!

Ned Flanders: We're done for, we're done-diddly done for, we're done-diddly-doodily, done diddly-doodily, done diddly-doodly, done diddly-doodily!
Homer: Flanders! Snap out of it!

(to cheese doodle) Godspeed, little doodle.

Here you go, your rubber training knife. You've attained the rank of "Pussywillow."

Ned: (inner child) Stay the course, big Ned. You're doing super!
Homer: (inner child) Food goes in here! (talking) It sure does.
Moe: (inner child) Hey, Moe, what's-a-matter? You no talka with you accent no more. (talking) Mama Mia!

Homer: Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut.
(Flanders appears as the devil.)
Devil Flanders: Did I hear someone wanted to sell their soul?
Homer: Flanders?! You're the devil?!
Devil Flanders: It's always the one you least expect isn't it?

Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--
(Homer has already scarfed the donut)
Homer: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
Devil Flanders: Well, technically no, but--
Homer: I'm smarter than the Devil. I'm smarter than the Dev--
(Flanders turns into a huge demon)
Devil Flanders: You are not smarter than me. I'll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson.

The Simpsons Quotes

The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!