Ned: Since the police can't seem to get off their duff-a-roonies to do something about this burglar-ino, I propose we start out own neighborhood watch (pause) aroony! (everyone cheers) Now, who should lead the group?
Man: You!
Everyone: (cheering again) Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!
Ned: Well, I don't have much experience, but I'd be--
Moe: Someone else!
Ned: (more cheers) Someone else! Someone else! Someone else!
Homer: I'm someone else!
Lenny: He's right!
Homer: We don't need a thinker, we need a doer! Someone who'll act without considering the consequences!

Ned: What do you think, Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Crowd: Yeah!
Mr. Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town!
Crowd: Yeah!
(Barney burps)
Crowd: Yeah!

Ned: Kids did anybody pray for giant shoes!?
Rod: I did!
Ned: Okaley Dokely!

Ned: Well, it's Bart Simpson...come on in! You're just in time for "Sponge Bath the Old Folks" Day!
Jasper: Help yourself...but stay above the equator!

Homer: Oh, what does it matter? We're doomed!
Ned: (Sees a seagull) Wrong, we're saved! Seagulls always stay near land! They only go out to sea to die!
(The seagull squawks as it lands in the water and dies.)
Homer: Woo-hoo! See that, boy?! Your old man was right, not Flanders! We are doomed! (Points to Ned) In your face, Flanders!

Ned Flanders: I guess now we know why they call them rapids and not 'slow-pids', huh?
Bart: Ha ha ha!
Homer: (to Bart) You are not my son!

Ned Flanders: We're done for, we're done-diddly done for, we're done-diddly-doodily, done diddly-doodily, done diddly-doodly, done diddly-doodily!
Homer: Flanders! Snap out of it!

(to cheese doodle) Godspeed, little doodle.

Here you go, your rubber training knife. You've attained the rank of "Pussywillow."

Ned: (inner child) Stay the course, big Ned. You're doing super!
Homer: (inner child) Food goes in here! (talking) It sure does.
Moe: (inner child) Hey, Moe, what's-a-matter? You no talka with you accent no more. (talking) Mama Mia!

Homer: Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut.
(Flanders appears as the devil.)
Devil Flanders: Did I hear someone wanted to sell their soul?
Homer: Flanders?! You're the devil?!
Devil Flanders: It's always the one you least expect isn't it?

Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--
(Homer has already scarfed the donut)
Homer: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
Devil Flanders: Well, technically no, but--
Homer: I'm smarter than the Devil. I'm smarter than the Dev--
(Flanders turns into a huge demon)
Devil Flanders: You are not smarter than me. I'll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson.

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.


Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!