The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Principal Skinner Quotes
Homer: I say this boy needs more homework. I don't have to do it with him, do I?
Principal Skinner: No.
Homer: Pile it on. I want him to be Korean by the time he's done.
Bart: Where's Mrs. K?
Principal Skinner: Mrs. Krabappel had to go to Portland. Apparently the people she hired to deprogram her sister from that cult were an even worse cult.
(Homer, Apu and Skinner, with stubble on their faces, are in the recording studio)
Homer, Apu, Skinner: (singing off-key) For all the latest medical poop,
Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop.
Poo poo pa-doop...
Apu: This is worse than your song about Mr. T.
Homer: I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney?
Skinner: Oh, he's with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist.
(Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder)
Barney: Barbershop is in danger of growing stale! I'm taking it to strange new places!
(On the recorder)
Barney's Girlfriend: Number eight... (Barney belches) Number eight... (Barney belches) Number eight... (Barney belches)
Eat my shorts, young man!
Bart: Each parking space is a mere one foot narrower, indistinguishable to the naked eye. Therein lies the game.
Millhouse: I fear to watch...yet I cannot turn away!
Principal Skinner: Blasted woman, you parked too close, move your car!
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm in the lines. You got a problem, go tell your mama.
Principal Skinner: Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this!
Principal Skinner: And here is a special award to the children who obviously didn't have any help from their parents, Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph: (With a plastic bag that says "Idaho" on it) I'm Idaho!
Principal Skinner: Sure you are!
Principal Skinner: You're stealing a table?
Homer: I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. It's a souvenir!
Principal Skinner: Ah. Is that my necktie you're wearing?
Homer: Souvenir.
Buying trophies from those cash-strapped schools really filled out the case.
(Principal Skinner treats Superintendent Chalmers to dinner at his home.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour, those string beans were cooked to perfection. After 20 years, I am finally starting to like you.
Principal Skinner: Just wait for dessert, sir. I made it with you in mind.
Superintendent Chalmers: Outstanding. I'll just shut my eyes and let you place it before me.
(Selma's erotic cake accidentally flies in through the window and lands on the table in front of Chalmers and Skinner and the two recoil in horror when they see it.)
Agnes: (from upstairs) Seymour! What's going on? I'm coming down there!
Superintendent Chalmers: Quick! We'll have to eat from each end. We'll know we're safe when our lips meet in the middle.
Principal Skinner: I can't believe I'm out of gas. I put in one dollar of gas and I've only driven ninety cents.
Agnes Skinner: You had to drive with the windows open, didn't you, Rockefeller?
Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a day of having to deal with... Skinner!
Principal Skinner: You called?
Superintendent Chalmers: Made reference.
Principal Skinner: My mistake.
(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer and Marge both shoot Principal Skinner.)
Principal Skinner: (Dying) Remember me... on pizza... Fridays.
Homer: No!
