The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Principal Skinner Quotes
Homer: Hmm. But enough about Bart. Tell me, Principal Skinner, are you married?
Principal Skinner: Well, only to my job.
Homer: But if you weren't married to your job, you'd tend to go for a girl, right?
Principal Skinner: (chuckles) Well, of course.
Ralph: What's Lyme Disease?
Principal Skinner: I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood. Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.
Miss Hoover: The Brain? Oh dear god!
Bart: More stink lines boys...
Skinner: What's this? What are you boys doing?
Bart: (yawn) You didn't see nothing, now beat it!
(trying to get attention of school) People.... people. You know I can wait just as long as you. (fails) KNOCK IT OFF!
Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?
Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again!
Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock.
Principal Skinner: Your punishment is 400 days detention.
Bart: I could easily do that on my head.
Principal Skinner: 500 days!
Bart: Oh, ho ho.
Principal Skinner: 600 days!
Bart: Maybe I should keep my big mouth shut.
Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.
Principal Skinner: But first, our second prize winner and the recipient of this handsome shoe buffer... Ned Flanders.
Ned: (gasps)
Homer: Oh it's no fair, we'll never have a buffer!
Marge: We have one at home, you never use it.
Homer: Well, I want that one!
Over, under, in and out, that's what shoe tying is all about.
Well, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.
Principal Skinner: May I interest you in a jello brick, sir? There's a grape in the center.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well, I'm not made of stone.
