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The-simpsons

Mr. Burns: Who was that young hellcat, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I'll remember that name.

(About Homer) This man not only failed the aptitude test, he got trapped in a closet on the way out.

Mr. Burns: I wanted to give you something to remember me by, I know you've always had your eye on this photo of Elvis and me!
Smithers: He was so good to mother, sir!
Mr. Burns: Yes, but I couldn't understand a word that man said! (Impersonating Elvis) Mistah Burrs, duhs a boom hang gasson for hound dawg!
Smithers: (Laughing) Stop it, you're killing me sir!

Smithers: What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eye? The Shampoo specifically said, "No more tears!"
Mr. Burns: Ah, lovely promise but, one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.

(Homer prepares to take out a loan from Mr. Burns.)
Mr. Burns: Just sign this form and the money will be yours. (Laughs evilly) Sorry, I was just um...erm...thinking of something funny Smithers did today.
Smithers: I didn't do anything funny today.
Mr. Burns: Shut up!

Mr. Burns: Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.
Smithers: Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing? Just to throw the fear of God into them?

Smithers: (Over P.A.) Attention Homer Simpson. Attention Homer Simpson.
(Homer is still dozing at his post)
Smithers: Wake up, Homer! (Homer awakens)
Smithers: You're fired.
Homer: For what?
Smithers: For sleeping on the job.
Homer: How'd you know I was sleeping?
Smithers: We've been watching you on the surveillance camera.
Homer: Camera? (Spots the camera) D'oh!

Smithers: It's the man in the bag sir; I think he's still alive!
(Mr. Burns beats the bag with a shovel.)
Mr. Burns: Bad corpse, bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers! Satisfied?
Smithers: Thank you, sir.

Mr. Burns: Will you quit your complaining!
Smithers: Sir, You know what this means? He is alive.
Mr. Burns: Oh, you're right Smithers; I guess I owe you a Coke.

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