Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Alan [talking about Jake when he was a baby]: I miss that little boy. Seems like only yesterday I could've held him in one arm. He didn't weigh more than eight or nine pounds.
Charlie: He craps more than that now


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Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 18 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 18 Quotes

Charlie: Hey, what's your hurry? If she becomes a big TV star while you're still married, she'll have to pay you alimony.
Alan: Yeah! And if pigs start flying out of my rear end, we'll have free bacon for the rest of our lives.
Jake: I don't know if I'll eat that bacon

Alan: Um, sweetie, do you remember why we split up?
Kandi: The big reason or all the little reasons? Cause there were a lot of little reasons, Alan.
Alan: I know.
Kandi: Like the way your toe nails grow all crazy.
Alan: Right. Got it.
Kandi: And your ear hair and your nose hair. And that one long hair on your back, yuck!