Family Guy Season 5 Quotes
Peter: I mean, what if I run into that octopus again?
Lois: Peter, that's ridiculous.
Octopus: Ready for round two man? (Peter and Lois look outside. Octopus has a cigarette in one of the tentacles.) I got all day. Hey, is that your wife?
(Peter closes blinds)
- Permalink: I mean, what if I run into that octopus again? Peter, that's ...
Lois: Alright, Peter. Who's it gonna be? Who do you wanna sleep with?
Peter: Ah, who are we kidding, Lois? This is never gonna work. Lets just forget the whole thing.
Lois: No, honey. It's gotta work. Just pick somebody, and I'll make it happen. Deep down, in your heart of hearts, if, if it could be anyone in the world, who would it be? Halle Berry? Ann Margerat?
Peter: Anybody I want?
Lois: Anybody. Don't be afraid to tell me.
Lois: (Uneasily) My mother?
- Permalink: Alright, Peter. Who's it gonna be? Who do you wanna sleep with? ...
Bill: Dude, check it out! There's a pig behind that fence.
Peter: Aw yeah, I see it.
Bill: Dude, we can eat that pig.
Bill: Dude, come on! We can totally eat that pig. We could, we could do it, man, we could. It'll be so easy man, it'll take like a minute.
Peter: Could it really be that fast?
Bill: Peter, that pig could be in our stomaches in like one minute. And then we could, and then, we could do other stuff.
Peter: (stoned laughing) Oh right, I'm starved. Let's do it.
- Permalink: Dude, check it out! There's a pig behind that fence. Aw yeah,...
Peter: Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun! I haven't made a crank call in years!
Bill: Shh, quiet! It's ringing!
Bill: Hello? Is this Linda Tripp?
Bill: You shouldn't have talked, you stupid bitch! I hope you die! (Hangs up)
Peter: Boy, that uh... that wasn't really a crank call. That was, that was just unpleasant.
Bill: Sorry about that.
- Permalink: Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun! I haven't made a crank call in ye...
Tom Tucker: In other news, former president Bill Clinton was in town today to judge Quahog's annual "Miss Cankle USA" contest.
(cuts to pageant, Bill is sitting in the audience, two heavy-set women are on the runway)
Bill Clinton: Now that's a cankle! Where does the calf fat end and the ankle fat begin? Who knows, that's the fun.
- Permalink: In other news, former president Bill Clinton was in town today t...
Peter: I haven't misjudged someone this bad since my last physical.(scene cuts to Peter bending over a table being examined by a man behind him)Man: Alright... (snapping off gloves) The doctor will be in in a few minutes.
- Permalink: Alright... The doctor will be in in a few minutes.
(After Meg finishes typing on laptop.)
Chris: Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit in Starbucks and publicly write on their laptops. (Scene with two guys typing on their laptops in Starbucks.)
Guy #2: Hey, getting some writing done there buddy?
Guy #1: Yeah, setting up in public so everybody can watch me type my big screenplay.
Guy #2: Me too. All real writers need to be seen writing otherwise what's the point, right?
Guy #1: You should totally write that down!
Guy #2: Okay, will you watch me?
- Permalink: Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit i...
(Sitting with four fat women.) Alright girls, I turned off the AC. First one to have a bead of neck sweat reach their butt crack wins.Bill Clinton
- Permalink: Alright girls, I turned off the AC. First one to have a bead of ...
Lois: (Enters through front door.) Brian, what is this on my shoe?
Brian: My poop.
Lois: (Takes tissue and wipes shoe.) That's right and it's disgusting. I am sick of you using the front yard as your bathroom. It's time you learn to use the toilet like everyone else.
Stewie: Uh, I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. (Sneezes on tissue with Brian's poop and looks at it.) Ahhhhh! (Runs away.)
- Permalink: Brian, what is this on my shoe? My poop. That's right and ...