Wendy: Truth or dare?
Stan: (like Chef) Dare.
Bebe: I dare you to shove this twig up your pee-hole.
Stan: SICK!

Mrs. Marsh: Did you find it?
Mr. Marsh: Give me a second would you.
Mrs. Marsh: Don't snap at me.
Mr. Marsh: I didn't snap at you!
Mrs. Marsh: You snapped at me!
Mr. Marsh: Whatever.
Mrs. Marsh: Whatever? In 15 years you've never said whatever to me.
Mr. Marsh: I don't want to fight I'm sorry.
Mrs. Marsh: I'm sorry too.
Mr. Marsh: Hey, I think I found it.
Mrs. Marsh: That's not it you idiot.
Mr. Marsh: HEY BACK OFF (beep)!
Mrs. Marsh: (Gasps) You just said the "C" word!
Mr. Marsh: ........Did I?

Fat Abbot: Hey, Hey, Hey. What's goin' on Rudy?
Rudy: Man Fat Abbot, you need to lose weight.
Fat Abbot: I'll lose weight when I feel like it bitch, shut you're bitch ass mouth hoe.
Rudy: Bitch! I'll kick yo ass.
Kyle: WHOA DUDE!
Stan: SWEET!
Fat Abbot: You think you slick you punk ass blasphemous dope-fiend bitch, I had my Jimmy waxed seven times last week, I'll bust a cap in you're *beep* ass *beep* head!
Kyle: Wow, cartoons are getting really dirty.

Killer-weak-sweet.

Cartman

Don't lie Stan. Lying makes you sterile.

Mr. Garrison

Stan: If you wanna play Americans versus Bosnians, then you can just play with yourself.
Cartman: Fine, I'll play with myself! I'll play with myself all day along!

(Cartman is sitting on Kenny)
Cartman: Cartman Von Cartman has ways of making you talk! (Farts)
Kenny: Aaah!

Nurse Gollum: This is the strangest thing I've ever seen.
Mr. Mackey: Please, Nurse, for a woman with a dead fetus on her head you're not being very open-minded.

Cartman: I could sing the cheesy poof song with both hands tied behind my back!
Kyle: You couldn't get both hands behind your back, fatty!

Cartman: But Mr. Garrison, I have to go and sing the Cheesy Poofs song!
Mr. Garrison: No Eric, you have to come in the Planetarium and look at a bunch of stupid stars.

Fat ass Cartman was not on the school bus today, what a big fat turd.

Kyle

Why hello. If it isn't my little friends with all their little dreams.

Cartman

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?