Well let me put it another way. You have to give your oral report to the entire South Park Town Committee tomorrow. And if it doesn't kick ass, and you make me look bad. Mr. Hat is gonna SMACK YOU BITCHES UP!!!

Mr. Garrison

Cartman: Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Kenny: (muffled) F**K you!

(Continued)
Gnome: Not much longer now....
Cartman: Oh? You're taking us to your little pussy house?
Gnome: No pussy! I'm taking you to my village!
Cartman: Oh? Your pussy village?
Stan: Cartman will you just shut up and let him show us?

(the Harbucks Rep is dressed up like "Camel Joe")
Harbucks Rep: Hey kid, I'm Camel Joe, and I love a fresh cup of coffee. It's yum-deli-icious. And it makes you feel super. I have a real surprise for you: The new kiddieccino from Harbucks; more sugar than all the other goodies kids like, with all the caffeine of a normal double latte.
Billy's Mom: No, Billy. No coffee for you. (to Harbucks Rep) You should be ashamed of yoruself, using cartoons to push caffeine on children.
Harbucks Rep: (rips off the head of the suit) Why don't you go back to the hole you crawled out from, lady?

Commitee Chairman: Okay, Mr Douchebag.
Harbucks Rep: Postal!
Commitee Chairman: Oh, pardon me Mr Assface!

Kyle: Do you ever think maybe you shouldn't give your son coffee?
Mrs. Tweek: Why would you say that?
Kyle: Well, look at him. He's always shaky and nervous.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh, that. He has A.D.D., attention defecit disorder. That's why he's so jittery all the time.

This is too much pressure. AHH!!

</i> Tweek

Time to go to work, work all night, search for underpants yay, we won't stop till we have underpants yum tum yummy tum yay!

</i>

(Mr. Tweek keeps talking like a coffee commercial)
Tweek: Dad!
Mr. Tweek: What?
Tweek: The metaphors, man!
Mr. Tweek: Oh, sorry.

Kyle: Shh don't scare em'
Stan: Hey there little guy?
Cartman: BAD!!! (Hit's gnome with a stick)
Kyle: Cartman?!?!?
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
Cartman: Well look at? He's all, ya know. Look at him (Hit's gnome with a stick again)
Gnome: Is that all you got pussy?
Cartman: What?!?!?
Stan: Hey, he talked
Cartman: Yeah he called me a pussy, I'm not a pussy, you're a pussy!
Gnome: You're a pussy. Pussy!
Cartman: Ay?!?!?
Stan: Then why are you taking Tweek's underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: Ahh!!!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is big business.
Stan: Business? Wait? Do you know anything about business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what gnomes do.
Kyle: Show us!
Gnome: OK, follow me.
Cartman: Pussy gnome! Don't call me a pussy pussy gnome.

Mr Garrison: Settle down children, I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There's a possibility I'll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. (Stan raises his hand) Yes Stanley?
Stan: That's okay with us.
Kyle: Yeah!
Craig: Yeah, we dont care.
Cartman: That's fine.
Mr Garrison: (shouting) No it isn't! It makes you very sad!

Mr. Tweek: What can I get for you, Officer Barbrady?
Barbrady: Oh, just the usual.
(Mr. Tweek hits Barbrady in the face with a cat)
Barbrady: Thanks! See you tomorrow!

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...