South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Well let me put it another way. You have to give your oral report to the entire South Park Town Committee tomorrow. And if it doesn't kick ass, and you make me look bad. Mr. Hat is gonna SMACK YOU BITCHES UP!!!

Mr. Garrison

Cartman: Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Kenny: (muffled) F**K you!

(Continued)
Gnome: Not much longer now....
Cartman: Oh? You're taking us to your little pussy house?
Gnome: No pussy! I'm taking you to my village!
Cartman: Oh? Your pussy village?
Stan: Cartman will you just shut up and let him show us?

(the Harbucks Rep is dressed up like "Camel Joe")
Harbucks Rep: Hey kid, I'm Camel Joe, and I love a fresh cup of coffee. It's yum-deli-icious. And it makes you feel super. I have a real surprise for you: The new kiddieccino from Harbucks; more sugar than all the other goodies kids like, with all the caffeine of a normal double latte.
Billy's Mom: No, Billy. No coffee for you. (to Harbucks Rep) You should be ashamed of yoruself, using cartoons to push caffeine on children.
Harbucks Rep: (rips off the head of the suit) Why don't you go back to the hole you crawled out from, lady?

Commitee Chairman: Okay, Mr Douchebag.
Harbucks Rep: Postal!
Commitee Chairman: Oh, pardon me Mr Assface!

Kyle: Do you ever think maybe you shouldn't give your son coffee?
Mrs. Tweek: Why would you say that?
Kyle: Well, look at him. He's always shaky and nervous.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh, that. He has A.D.D., attention defecit disorder. That's why he's so jittery all the time.

This is too much pressure. AHH!!

</i> Tweek

Time to go to work, work all night, search for underpants yay, we won't stop till we have underpants yum tum yummy tum yay!

</i>

(Mr. Tweek keeps talking like a coffee commercial)
Tweek: Dad!
Mr. Tweek: What?
Tweek: The metaphors, man!
Mr. Tweek: Oh, sorry.

Kyle: Shh don't scare em'
Stan: Hey there little guy?
Cartman: BAD!!! (Hit's gnome with a stick)
Kyle: Cartman?!?!?
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
Cartman: Well look at? He's all, ya know. Look at him (Hit's gnome with a stick again)
Gnome: Is that all you got pussy?
Cartman: What?!?!?
Stan: Hey, he talked
Cartman: Yeah he called me a pussy, I'm not a pussy, you're a pussy!
Gnome: You're a pussy. Pussy!
Cartman: Ay?!?!?
Stan: Then why are you taking Tweek's underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: Ahh!!!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is big business.
Stan: Business? Wait? Do you know anything about business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what gnomes do.
Kyle: Show us!
Gnome: OK, follow me.
Cartman: Pussy gnome! Don't call me a pussy pussy gnome.

Mr Garrison: Settle down children, I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There's a possibility I'll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. (Stan raises his hand) Yes Stanley?
Stan: That's okay with us.
Kyle: Yeah!
Craig: Yeah, we dont care.
Cartman: That's fine.
Mr Garrison: (shouting) No it isn't! It makes you very sad!

Mr. Tweek: What can I get for you, Officer Barbrady?
Barbrady: Oh, just the usual.
(Mr. Tweek hits Barbrady in the face with a cat)
Barbrady: Thanks! See you tomorrow!

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 287 in total

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Kyle: You can't die Mr Hankey, you can't.
Mr. Hankey: (Cough)
Kyle, before I go, there's something I must tell you. Come closer Closer
Kyle: What is it Mr Hankey?
Mr. Hankey: There is another Skywalker. Uhhh (Mr Hankey dies)
Kyle: Nooo
Mr. Hankey: (Mr Hankey appears to be alive) Wait Kyle.
Kyle: What is it Mr Hankey?
Mr. Hankey: Come closer
Kyle: What is it?
Mr. Hankey: Closer
Kyle: Yes?
Mr. Hankey: Closer! (Pause) One time, when you were sleeping, I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture. Uhhh (Mr Hankey dies)
Kyle: Nooo

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...