South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park

Stan: Okay we have to do this stupid report so... (Tweek freaks out) So let's figure out what to do it about.
(long pause)
Cartman: How about we do it on that Raymond guy on TV, you know everyone loves Raymond.
Kyle: No, Cartman, we can't do it on Raymond again. It has to be on a current event in South Park.

They really have my balls in a juice maker.

Mr. Tweek

(Continued)
Gnome: Not much longer now....
Cartman: Oh? You're taking us to your little pussy house?
Gnome: No pussy! I'm taking you to my village!
Cartman: Oh? Your pussy village?
Stan: Cartman will you just shut up and let him show us?

(the Harbucks Rep is dressed up like "Camel Joe")
Harbucks Rep: Hey kid, I'm Camel Joe, and I love a fresh cup of coffee. It's yum-deli-icious. And it makes you feel super. I have a real surprise for you: The new kiddieccino from Harbucks; more sugar than all the other goodies kids like, with all the caffeine of a normal double latte.
Billy's Mom: No, Billy. No coffee for you. (to Harbucks Rep) You should be ashamed of yoruself, using cartoons to push caffeine on children.
Harbucks Rep: (rips off the head of the suit) Why don't you go back to the hole you crawled out from, lady?

Kyle: Shh don't scare em'
Stan: Hey there little guy?
Cartman: BAD!!! (Hit's gnome with a stick)
Kyle: Cartman?!?!?
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
Cartman: Well look at? He's all, ya know. Look at him (Hit's gnome with a stick again)
Gnome: Is that all you got pussy?
Cartman: What?!?!?
Stan: Hey, he talked
Cartman: Yeah he called me a pussy, I'm not a pussy, you're a pussy!
Gnome: You're a pussy. Pussy!
Cartman: Ay?!?!?
Stan: Then why are you taking Tweek's underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: Ahh!!!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is big business.
Stan: Business? Wait? Do you know anything about business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what gnomes do.
Kyle: Show us!
Gnome: OK, follow me.
Cartman: Pussy gnome! Don't call me a pussy pussy gnome.

Stan: Damn, dude this place is huge.
Kyle: Yeah, it's almost as big as Cartman's ass.
Cartman: (annoyed) No it isn't you guys.

Mrs. Tweek: Oh hello son. How was your day?
Tweek: Arghhh!
Mrs. Tweek: Who are your little friends?
Tweek: What do you mean?
Kyle: We're his oral report buddies.
Stan: Yeah, we have to stay up all night to write it.
Mrs. Tweek: Well have some coffee boys. I'll brew up another pot for later.
Kyle: Coffee? I don't think I like coffee.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh you'll like this coffee, it's fresh.
Mr. Tweek: Country fresh, like the morning after a rainstorm.
Stan: Okay.

Kyle: OK, we have to do this stupid report, so -
Tweek: Uhh! ERR! Uhh-Uhhn! Unh, Unh!
Kyle: - so let's figure out what to do it about.

Well let me put it another way. You have to give your oral report to the entire South Park Town Committee tomorrow. And if it doesn't kick ass, and you make me look bad. Mr. Hat is gonna SMACK YOU BITCHES UP!!!

Mr. Garrison

They really have my balls in a salad shooter.

Mr. Tweek

Mister Hankey kicks ass!

Cousin Elwin

Charles Manson: (after Kenny was shot to death by the police) Oh my god! They killed the little orange coat kid!
Kyle: You bastards!

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 287 in total

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?

Phillip: The subway certainly is wonderful, Terrance.
Terrance: It sure is. Let's look for treasure.
Phillip: Yes. Let's look for treasure.

× Close Ad