Stan: Okay we have to do this stupid report so... (Tweek freaks out) So let's figure out what to do it about.
(long pause)
Cartman: How about we do it on that Raymond guy on TV, you know everyone loves Raymond.
Kyle: No, Cartman, we can't do it on Raymond again. It has to be on a current event in South Park.

They really have my balls in a salad shooter.

Mr. Tweek

Kyle: Shh don't scare em'
Stan: Hey there little guy?
Cartman: BAD!!! (Hit's gnome with a stick)
Kyle: Cartman?!?!?
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
Cartman: Well look at? He's all, ya know. Look at him (Hit's gnome with a stick again)
Gnome: Is that all you got pussy?
Cartman: What?!?!?
Stan: Hey, he talked
Cartman: Yeah he called me a pussy, I'm not a pussy, you're a pussy!
Gnome: You're a pussy. Pussy!
Cartman: Ay?!?!?
Stan: Then why are you taking Tweek's underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: Ahh!!!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is big business.
Stan: Business? Wait? Do you know anything about business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what gnomes do.
Kyle: Show us!
Gnome: OK, follow me.
Cartman: Pussy gnome! Don't call me a pussy pussy gnome.

Well let me put it another way. You have to give your oral report to the entire South Park Town Committee tomorrow. And if it doesn't kick ass, and you make me look bad. Mr. Hat is gonna SMACK YOU BITCHES UP!!!

Mr. Garrison

Kyle: Does anybody know anything about corporations?
Cartman: I think my mom is a corporation.
Stan: (sarcastically) Yeah, that makes sense.

Stan: Damn, dude this place is huge.
Kyle: Yeah, it's almost as big as Cartman's ass.
Cartman: (annoyed) No it isn't you guys.

Mrs. Tweek: Oh hello son. How was your day?
Tweek: Arghhh!
Mrs. Tweek: Who are your little friends?
Tweek: What do you mean?
Kyle: We're his oral report buddies.
Stan: Yeah, we have to stay up all night to write it.
Mrs. Tweek: Well have some coffee boys. I'll brew up another pot for later.
Kyle: Coffee? I don't think I like coffee.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh you'll like this coffee, it's fresh.
Mr. Tweek: Country fresh, like the morning after a rainstorm.
Stan: Okay.

Kyle: OK, we have to do this stupid report, so -
Tweek: Uhh! ERR! Uhh-Uhhn! Unh, Unh!
Kyle: - so let's figure out what to do it about.

Cartman: Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Kenny: (muffled) F**K you!

They really have my balls in a vice grip.

Mr. Tweek

Charles Manson: (after Kenny was shot to death by the police) Oh my god! They killed the little orange coat kid!
Kyle: You bastards!

Cartman's Grandma: (as they haul her son back to the pokey) Watch that ass in prison, son.
Uncle Howard: Always do, mom. Always do.

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Phillip: The subway certainly is wonderful, Terrance.
Terrance: It sure is. Let's look for treasure.
Phillip: Yes. Let's look for treasure.

Philip: Well, while we're waiting, why don't we search for treasure?
Terrance: Oh good idea, let's search for treasure.