South Park

South Park Season 2 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 2 Episode 14: "Chef Aid"

Ozzy: Chef told me to get a pompadour hat. I thought he said "bite the head of a bat" and the rest is history.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(When Mr. Garrison takes Mr. Twig to the hospital for his burns.
Mr. Garrison: Well, is he going to be all right doctor?
Doctor: Uh. It's a stick.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef: Look Elton, you are a great singer, but a retarded monkey could write better lyrics.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elton John: Wake up Wendy, smell the coffee
Kyle: (To Stan) Dude, that's your song for Wendy!
Cartman: Ha-ha! You're a wuss! (Stan hits him)
 • Rating: Unrated

Johnnie Cochran: Look at the monkey. Look at the silly little monkey. (Juror's head explodes)
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Mr. Garrison: Mr- Mr. Twig, are you OK? Mr- Mr. Twig?
(He lifts up the covers and notices Mr. Twig broken)
Mr. Garrison: (Screams) MR. TWIG IS BROKEN IN HALF!! WHO DID THIS!? YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, YOU BASTARD!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 13: "Cow Days"

Cartman: Sucky sucky, five dollah. Ooh me so horny. Me love you long time.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stan: (imitating Philip) Hey, Terrance! Let's go look for treasure!
Kyle: (imitating Terrance) That's a good idea, Philip!
(Cartman arrives at the bus stop.)
Stan: Oh hey, Cartman. How are you feeling?
Cartman: Hey, guys. I just had the weirdest dream last night.
Kyle: Really? What about?
Cartman: Well, I dreamt that I was a poor Vietnamese girl, and then you guys made me ride a big scary bull, and then Leonardo Di Caprio gave me a spankin' for several hours. (sees T&P dolls) Hey, where did you guys win all those Terrance and Phillip dolls?
Stan: Oh, nowhere
(Stan and Kyle laugh.)
Cartman: Wait a minute! You guys DID make me ride that bull!
Kyle: No, Cartman! That was just a dream!
Stan: Yeah!
(A limousine drives up to the bus stop.)
Leonardo Di Caprio: Bye, Ming Li! Thanks again!
(The limousine drives away; Stan and Kyle continue to laugh.)
Cartman: Ah! Son of a bitch!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: (muffled) Oh my god! They killed Cartman!
Kyle: No, we didn't kill him; he's still breathing!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kyle: How much money do we have left Cartman?
Cartman: Ahh three dollars.
Kyle: What? You said we had plenty of money, Cartman!
Cartman: Yeah but I didn't take into account the fact that I suck at math.
Kyle: YOU SON OF A BITCH! (attacks Cartman)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jimbo: Hey, where's she going? That's the wrong way, you stupid cow.
(cows line up on a cliff)
FBI Executive: Oh, dear Jesus, no!
(the cows jump off one by one)
Jimbo: No! They're killing themselves! Stop please! Can't we do anything? Oh God, the humanity, Ned, the humanity!
FBI Executive: This is the first mad cow suicide I've seen in at least eight months.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Well Cartman, this is just my opinion, but I think the line ride sucked donkey balls!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Shenanigans!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: What the hell makes you think Cartman rides a bull?
Kyle: Because you spent all our money on those stupid rides, fat ass! Either you're getting on a bull, or I'm gonna break your f(beep)king head open!
Cartman: Okay, I'll get on the bull.
 • Rating: Unrated

Officer Barbrady: Young man, you can't just go around declaring shenanigans on innocent people; that's how wars get started!
Stan: Sorry, Officer Buttbaby
Officer Barbrady: Barbrady!
Stan: Oh, I'm sorry. What did I say?
Officer Barbrady: You said "Buttbaby"!
(The boys laugh.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: (about the T&P Dolls) Oh, dude. We've GOT to get one of those!
Cartman: How much to play?
Carnie: Only five dollars for three balls, kid.
Cartman: Five dollars?! Jesus Christ!
Carnie: Don't worry, kid, it's easy; you just gotta put one ball through Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth.
Cartman: That's easy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Doctor: Boys, I'm afraid your fat little friend has suffered a head trauma.
Stan: What's the matter with him?
Doctor: Well, apparently he thinks he's a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming-Li.
 • Rating: Unrated

(After two contestants win on a game show)
Announcer: Tom and Mary, put on your cowboy hats because you're going to beautiful, South Park, Colorado!
Mary: Where?
Announcer: That's right, just in time for "Cow Days" the worlds 45th biggest Rodeo and Carnival. Every year South Park celebrates Cow Days, and you're going to be a part of it! You'll stay at the Super 7 Hotel, Ride the rides, play the games and the world famous "Running of the Cows"! Congrats!
Mary: Shit!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Dude I'm having second thoughts about this.
Kyle: What do you mean?
Stan: I'm starting to think that maybe it's wrong to put someone who thinks they're a Vietnamese prostitute onto a bull.
 • Rating: Unrated

Announcer: Wow, and this Vietnamese prostitute can really ride a bull! I guess she's had a lot of practice, if you know what I mean.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "South Park" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!