South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Kids at school... making you mad? Just sue their asses with Kyle's dad!

Theme song to Gerald Broflowski's ad

Skeeter: Hey Panda Bear! We don't take kindly to your types around here. Bartender: Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody. Skeeter: No! I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here. If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you only eat bamboo which is prone to grow in dryer, more arid regions?

Sexual Harassment Panda: "Article 36, Section 19: One panda may not make sexual comments about another panda's appearance. If said panda does make"
Stan: Ugh, dude, get me out of here!
Cartman: I think Sexual Harassment Panda is cool.
Stan: You would think that, you little a*s-sucker.
Cartman: What did you call me?
Stan: An a*s-sucker. It means you suck a*s. You see an a*s, you suck it. You're an a*s-sucker.
Cartman: That does it! I am suing you for sexual harassment!
Sexual Harassment Panda: Uh-oh.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You have sexually harassed me for the last time! It says right here that now I can sue you and take all of your money.
Sexual Harassment Panda: That's right, he can.
Stan: No you can't, you little a*s-sucker!
Cartman: Oh, you did it again! You all heard him!
Sexual Harassment Panda: "The first party of the first panda may sue the second-party panda unless that panda was said panda aforementioned panda."

Gerald: Did you, or did you not, hear my client being called an a*s-sucker?!
Mr. Garrison: Yes.
Gerald: And you did nothing.
Mr. Garrison: Well, he is a little a*s-sucker.

Gerald Broflovski: Principle Victoria are you aware that my client was being harassed at your school?
Principal Victoria: Well not any more than any other student.
Gerald Broflovski: So you admit that harassment goes on?
Principal Victoria: I don't know.
Gerald Broflovski: You don't know, Your the principal!
Principal Victoria: I can't be around them every second.
Gerald Broflovski: So it does go on!
Principal Victoria: Alright alright i killed him. I hit him over the head and I cut up the body. I tried to burn it but it wouldn't burn. Oh the smell of it. I put the legs in garbage bags and hid the torso under a bridge. I had to do it.
(Principal Victoria starts crying)
Principal Victoria: Oh god!
Gerald Broflovski: Principal Victoria was Eric Cartmen called an a** Sucker yes or no?
Principal Victoria: I believe so yes.

Mr Garrison: Now does anyone know what sexual harassment means? (Cartman raises his hand) Yes Eric?
Cartman: When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.

Pig with scissors: Oink! Oink! "Be sure you run around with scissors" says Oinky The Run Around With Scissors Pig!
Cartman: I thought you weren't supposed to run around with scissors.
Worm: That's why he's on the Island of Misfit Mascots.

That makes me a saaaaaaaaad panda.

Sexual Harassment Panda

Hello kids, I'm happy the 'don't do stuff that might irritate your inner ear' badger.

Another misfit mascot

How would you like a big panda punch in your puss?

Sexual Harassment Panda


Who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment Panda!
Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?
Sexual Harassment Panda!
"Don't say that, don't touch there,
"Don't be nasty," says the silly bear,
He's come to tell you what's right and wrong,
Sexual Harassment Panda!

Sexual Harassment Panda Theme song

Bartender: Now, I don't want any trouble.
Sexual Harassment Panda: I get the point. I know when I'm not wanted. I'm off to the Island of Misfit Mascots.
Bartender: God Damn it, Skeeter. How come every time a panda bear comes in here, you gotta go flappin' your jaw

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 284 in total

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

My worry is that he could've been following some kind of crazy new fad. Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass because they've seen the Backstreet Boys doing it on TV or something.

Doctor